How Big Is Your Ego?

 Then President of the United States of America, George W. Bush invited then President-Elect Barack Obama and former Presidents George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Jimmy Carter for a Meeting and Lunch at The White House. Photo taken Wednesday, Jan. 7, 2009 in the Oval Office at The White House. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

       Summer's ego is flaring with a vengeance in the southwestern U.S.   Predictions are that we in Los Angeles will be seeing unusually high temperatures for the next ten days or so.   Forecasters are saying that places like Las Vegas and Phoenix will be seeing temps in the 120 degree range.  Not especially unique for those folks who live there, but damn hot any way you look at it.  And summer of 2016 has barely begun.  What does this bode for the upcoming months?

        One thing we in the U.S. are facing is a heated political climate with an idiosyncratic presidential race ahead of us.  The primaries were kindergarten stuff compared to what we might be seeing in the months ahead of us.  Divisiveness of the parties and the nation as a whole may set tempers flaring and nasty words flying.

        Plenty is said about the over-inflated ego of Donald Trump.  No denying that the guy has a super big ego.  What public figure doesn't?   Bill and Hillary Clinton both have such humongous egos that one can only wonder how they can stand each other's company.  The ego of Barack Obama shows an air of superiority that gives him a sense that he's talking down at us or lecturing us. Even the good out boy presidents like George W. Bush or Jimmy Carter are driven by ego otherwise they would have never made it as far as they did.

        An egoistic Fidel Castro fueled a revolution to overthrow one dictator's grandiosity to replace it with his own bloated self-image that expected total allegiance or else from the citizens of his nation.  Recently, the passing of Muhammad Ali reminded us of the swaggering young Cassius Clay who pronounced "I am the greatest" and charmed much of the public with his egotistical antics. By no means was I a fan of Ali, but I will admit I was amused by his early escapades before he changed his name and became what some feel was a traitor to his country.

       We are entitled to our opinions just as we have a right to brand ourselves in whatever way we wish.  Criticism can be expected when we put ourselves in the public eye, but when we attack another we are attacking ego and that is like going for the throat.  Backlash can be expected from some while hurt might be the outcome for others.   Even those with the most fragile egos will usually make some attempt to defend their pride, their image, and their sense of self-worth.   My opinions reflect my own ego and when someone attacks my opinion, they are attacking a certain part of who I am.

        Openness to discussing differences is a good thing as is amicable debate concerning why one party believes what they think is right.   If we are open to listening to each other rather than jumping to the conclusion that we have the right answer and nobody can come up with a reasonable counter argument, we might end up learning more about others as well as ourselves.  There are some points, especially those dealing with preference, where there is no right or wrong, but merely a difference of opinion.   If I were dictator of the world, it might be assuaging to my ego for a while, but eventually that world would likely get pretty boring if everyone else were forced to share every opinion that I have.

        This will be the last post in my "Love and Ego" series in the official sense, though this blog will always be some reflection of my own ego and a study of ego in general.  And love will always make appearances here, especially in the many more songs of love that I have in waiting for future Battle of the Bands blog posts.

         Love and ego are ever present with all of us.  Just as the heat that scorches us here in Los Angeles affects the moods and attitudes of those of us who have to deal with feeling the burn (I'm talking climate here), love and ego will shape the directions we take in our lives and influence the way we treat others.

         Between love and ego, do you think one force tends to overpower the other or do you feel there is a parity between the two?    Do you feel that your ego is strong or do you tend be a relatively acquiescent person?     Can you think of any politician without a strong ego?  If so, explain why you think this.

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That Feeling of Love

    
        Love at first sight is likely a improbability based more on dysfunction than any normal state of relational affairs.  Part of the problem is due to language.  The word "love" covers too much ground--describes too many feelings.  All love is not equal and much that we call love is not really love at all.  At least not love in its more idealistic spiritualistic form.

 A young woman and man embracing while outdoors.
 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

        The nature of love is a peculiar thing.  Can love be quantified in some measurable way?       Love seems to evoke something that could be construed as an emotion or a physical response. Definitely a physical response can be part of the equation, but is that really love or just animal instinct --or in other words lust.   Though love connotes good feelings, the ongoing state of love and often the result of what has been misinterpreted as a mutual love does not always end well for one or more parties involved.   A message disguised as love can misinform and devastate when truth is revealed.  

          Sometimes we think of love as a feeling, but actually the feelings are the product of that which we define as love.   More appropriately love might be considered to be a state of mind, an attitude, that evolves through time, trials of the heart, and a patient acceptance between two disparate souls.  Beyond this love can be many more things as infinite as there are lovers.   Each case its own and often being shaped by forces from outside the relationship.  Love entails sacrifice and sacrifice is an alien entity to an often fragile ego.

         Oh, but it all feels so good--the first encounter, the fantasy, the first contact and first kiss and everything else that comes along the way in the early stages of a relationship.  Maybe that's why some couples like fighting and then making up--it's like that feeling of new love all over again and then again.  This might also call into question what those types of people are looking for the most--a specific person or the exhilaration of a new situation.

         Serial monogamy is about the ego of the person bouncing from one relationship to the next.  For that person commitment gets old, but that first entrance into a relationship is a rush like a powerful drug.  New love might feel good for a while, but when the feeling wears off another rush is needed.  The feeling of that crazy thing we so often call love can be an addiction.  Not healthy for the mind and spirit, but some people can't help themselves.  Real love requires work, devotion, and sacrifice.

          Feelings can be great deceivers.  There are so many songs about feelings--feelings connected with love or some concept called love.  My upcoming song is about feelings.  Some might be disturbed about my song choice, but it's a song that has had me hooked over the past month or so.  Or some might be more disturbed by the original artist.   Hopefully you will enjoy my song pick as much as I do, but I've made a few unpopular picks in the past and maybe this will be another one of those.  I hope not.

      Maybe you already have an idea of what song I've chosen.  You may think you know, but then again think again.  What you think is not always what is the reality of what is. Who do I look like?  Mister Obvious?  In the meantime here's a related song that is not my song pick in my next Battle of the Bands post coming up this Sunday May 15th.

Ella Fitzgerald "That Certain Feeling"




        Do you think the feeling of new love is a deceit that can misguide us in a relationship?   What do you think is the most important part of a love relationship?    Do you want to venture a guess as to my upcoming song choice?

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Love and Ego (#IWSG)

      Voting is still open on my Battle of the Bands post.  If you have not visited yet to vote for your favorite recording please visit this post and let your preference be known.  The song that I've used ties in with today's post as well as my Reflections Post yet to come.



Insecure Writer's Support Group


       Join us on the first Wednesday of each month in Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Support Group--a forum of writers who gather to talk about writing and the writer's life. For a complete list of participants visit Alex's Blog. 





Now What?

       Leon Russell's song "Manhattan Island Serenade" provides a good analogy to how I feel  after an A to Z Challenge has ended.  The narrator of the song talks about being broke down stuck along the roadside and thinking of recent loss.  He reflects on where he's been and where he's going next. It's kind of the same way I feel and what I've read some of the other A to Z participants say they feel about the end of the Challenge.  But it's a temporary feeling like we get any time we've had a rush of fullness in life and then it's gone leaving us with only memories.

         But enough reflecting for now.  My official A to Z Reflections Post will appear on Tossing It Out coming on Monday May 9th.  For more information about the Reflections Post be sure to visit the A to Z Challenge Blog.   Today I want to consider some things ahead on my blog.


Love and Ego

        Most of you probably recall the story of Narcissus who gazed at his own reflection in the pool of water and fell in love with the image, which unobtainable to him eventually led to his demise.  Narcissism is an exhaustive topic that cannot be addressed in a single blog post, however I raise the topic as an introduction to things to come on Tossing It Out.  

         During the month of April I began to ponder the concepts of love and ego and all things connected with these concepts.  I meandered through many aspects of these things prompted by whatever I was absorbing in the media, on the internet, and all around me in general.  It was one of those weird moods perhaps, but it led me to a number of questions.

          Why do we write?  Why do we blog?  Why do we do the things we do or find ourselves attracted to certain people?   And in the end what does it all mean?   Just asking, you know--just asking like most of us probably ask the universe at times.  

           And specifically in regard to our writing and blogging, why do we choose the stories we tell and topics we explore and how do we make these things relevant to others?   Sounds whimsical perhaps, and it is.  But why not?   Why not ask what, how, and why?  Besides summer is coming and that's a time that I've always associated with daydreaming and thinking down the rabbit hole.  Lazy days and crazy days.   Vacations and recreations.  Much of my recreation consists of thinking so that's what I plan to do even though thinking seems to be what I do much of the time anyway.

          After all summer is coming and with summer while I physically wander the country, my mind will be wondering about many things.   This is always the case it seems.  If we aren't questioning, then we must be lacking in awareness.   Not thinking is not being alive.

         Maybe it's silly to ask the age old question "What is the meaning of life?"   But then, why not ask the question?   In asking we might find an answer.  Or more likely we might give rise to more questions.  Sometimes the questions never stop just as much of the time the answers never come.

          In any case, my theme in every post on Tossing It Out including my Battle of the Bands posts from now until I decide to stop will be "Love and Ego".   Call me obsessed if you like.  But then maybe Love and Ego is ultimately the only theme any of us ever writes about when it comes right down to the crux of all things.  

          Do you ever ponder the mysteries of love and ego?   Do you consider your actions to be mostly driven by ego, love, both, or something else entirely?    Does the word "ego" have a negative connotation to you?

Do You Still Love Your Blog?

        I love my blog.   In a manner of speaking I can say that.  After all, the word "love" is perhaps one of the most misused and misunderstood words in the English language.  We all tend to say that we love certain foods, times of the year, places, or things.  Then of course we love certain people. There should probably be degrees of love or different words to actually express the kind of "love" we are trying to express.  Instead we lump a lot of things into one word that loses power in its overuse and misuse.

        So in thinking more about my blog post title today, maybe I should change the word "love" to something less enigmatic.  What is actually on my mind is enthusiasm or interest perhaps.   From my own standpoint I continue to be dedicated to my blog with a sense of commitment.   I don't post like I did in my first year of blogging and as I continue to blog I seem to be cutting back more.

        It's not that I dislike blogging or anything remotely like that.  I remain passionate about my blog, but in a different way that I once felt.  Blogging can be an enormous undertaking as those of you who have blogged as I do already know.   A time for reevaluation of blogging has come for me.  Now don't get me wrong here--I'm not indicating that I am going to quit blogging.   But I will continue to see a metamorphic cycle in my blogging activity and currently I'm not exactly sure where it will all take me.  For now, my blogging trend will be as it has been in the past months--a combination of Battle of the Bands, Insecure Writer's Support Group, and a random assortment of peculiar or even utterly normal thoughts. And let's not forget Blogging from A to Z April Challenge.  In other words, business as usual.      

        My Blog Schedule tab at the top of my page has become more of a historical artifact of where Tossing It Out once was and no longer representative of what it has become at this time.   Next week my schedule might become more predictable, but then again maybe the schedule will go further awry.  I like my blog a lot.   Sometimes it has a mind of its own and I must respect that.

         But love?   There are many words that work better than the word love to describe certain things.   Likewise there are many synonyms that can work for the word love.  How can we say love?   Let us count the words...

       And speaking of Battle of the Bands, what a convenient Monday day-before-the-event post this is.   It's kind of a throwaway post that will likely pass as quickly as most of those I used to put up when I was posting daily.  

         Consider this post a prelude to tomorrow's BOTB post and a clue as to the song I'll be using this time around.   I will say that it's a love song.  It's also a song that I posted about a few months ago.  The song is one that I find very touching and meaningful in my own life.  Be sure to stop in tomorrow Tuesday September 15th for my next Battle of the Bands post.

          What do you "love" most about blogging?    What do you dislike most?   What replacement words for "love" can you think of?    Can you guess what song I'll be using for my next Battle of the Bands post?

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Is It Passion or Obsession?

        My previous post hinted toward my song choice for my Battle of the Bands post that will be appearing tomorrow January 15th.   Once again I am using today's post for a topic not specifically about my song choice, but it alludes to the subject matter of the song.  No one guessed the song correctly on the previous post though there were some excellent suggestions made.  Maybe this post will lead you to making a correct guess.   And if you don't give a whit about my Battle of the Bands posts, it doesn't really matter because this post is not about that anyway.

 On a pedestal in Another Place (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

        When I first started Tossing It Out in late 2009 I became so excited about blogging that it became one of my main topics of conversation with anyone who might listen.  I began to research the topic of blogging and read everything I could find about it in order to become a better blogger.  My thoughts became focused on my blog most of my waking hours and sometimes even into sleep.

          There were probably those who thought my interest in blogging had become a somewhat annoying obsession.  Some supported me in helping me to grow my base of followers while others politely indulged me as I babbled incessantly about this or that aspect of social media.  After a few months I even had business cards printed so it would be easier for people to remember my blog address in order to read it later.   Few of those cards reaped new readers to my knowledge, but having them was helpful in some cases if for no other reason than to open up the conversation to the topic of blogging.

         It took me about a year and a half to temper my obsession to a point of more reasonably subdued passion.   These days I still maintain a strong interest in blogging, but I no longer see it as my big mission in life.  Now it is a tool for my platform, to use that common cliche of branding and marketing.   Blogging is fun for me, but I don't force it on anyone and only bring it up if the subject seems appropriate to introduce to a conversation.

         When I was younger I went through periods where I developed certain interests in which I invested time, thought, and money.   For example I had a passion for stamp collecting from about third grade until my early high school years.   Then there were the periods when I became very involved with model building or immersing myself in anything related to science fiction and monsters.   Like an artist who can be evaluated by his creative stages, my life has seen periods of interests, sometimes for prolonged periods and other times short-lived.

         My biggest material passion has been for music.  Once I started working in my late teens and had more money to spend, I began buying records albums on a regular basis.  This passion for music peaked in the 80's when I voraciously began to accumulate cassette tapes (that was the medium of choice at that time) until I was carrying hundreds of them in my van as I traveled about in my road show days.

        There have been many phases in my life when I have pursued interests with a fervency that might be called passion.  On the other hand, my pursuits might be more correctly considered as hobbies or interests.   I'm certainly no different than others in this respect.   If we don't have certain interests that define us to some extent then we can seem rather dimensionless and boring.

          In all of our lives we have each undoubtedly had best friends with whom we shared hours of time.  Many times those friendships can end in sweet--or sometimes bitter--parting as we move on in our lives.  We might be left with longings for their companionship and fond memories as life carries us onward into new relationships or life pursuits, but we often move on without those old friends.  This is just part of the progression of life--friends who become hazy happy memories as well as those friends with whom we might stay connected with for many years or even the rest of our lives.   It would be abnormal and uncomfortable  to obsess on a friend or acquaintance so most of us allow the space necessary to nurture the relationship or we quietly drift apart if that is the destiny of things.

          And then there is love in the sense of romance and long term bonds.  This is the love that leads to marriage and family for many of us.   We find that singular object of our affection with whom we want to share life in the deepest sense that lives can be shared.  The ideal societal goal is to find a monogamous partner with whom we can have children and build families.  This takes a strong commitment involving passion that falls short of stifling obsession of ownership yet an obsession to make the relationship work.   Things don't always turn out as planned, but most of us have that ideal to work toward.

          To love someone in a way that we idolize them in the purest sense, not in any bizarre obsessive way, should be a goal in committed relationships.   We should not burn with a possessive nature that stifles the other or desire to control another with some sense of ownership much like a stamp collector might long to possess a coveted stamp for his collection, but we should have a focus that makes that partner our one and only, the only shining star that we see in a celestial tapestry filled with stars.   If we walk into a roomful of people, our one true love is the one to whom our eyes are drawn with admiration and the deepest satisfaction in being a part of that person's life.  That is the ideal, though often not the reality.

         True love is the stuff of stories.  It's that irrational emotion that brings out the poet in many of us.  It can be fun, wonderful, and even scary. What we might define as love is the most scary when the obsession creeps within us creating the stalker mentality.   A criminal passion can make us do crazy things, but the pure beautiful passion that is true love brings us as close to heaven as any earthbound human can be.   I want a burning desire or yearning that transcends possessiveness or control and becomes more akin to personal sacrifice for the sake of love in a similar way that a believer might have toward God.  Not a replacement to loving God, but next in line to love for God.   The most reverent of feelings that two humans can have for one another.   This is a fine dream in my eyes and something for which to strive.

          When do you think a passionate love devolves into aberrant obsession?    Do you feel uncomfortable when someone admires you in the sense of placing you on a pedestal?    From the words above can you guess the BOTB song that will be appearing here tomorrow?

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What the World Needs Now

Nikka looking at the tree (Photo credit: mturro)

If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate      Nikka - age 6 

        This quote came to me from one of those chain emails that someone sent me.  I thought what Nikka said was particularly relevant in light of things going on in our world today.  For that matter it's always been relevant, but not often heeded.   It might do us all well to try to find something positive about a person we don't particularly like.  Love everyone.  Difficult, but possible.

Battle of the Bands on Sunday

         I'm keeping today's post short since I'm sticking with the original Battle of the Bands schedule set by Far Away Series and Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends, the ones who started this blogging venture a few weeks ago.  I'll be presenting another what I hope will be interesting song pairing for you to vote on as will the aforementioned Battle collaborators.  

         For this round we have a common theme among the three of us.  To find out our theme you'll have to join us for the posts that go up on this Sunday September 15th.   Then vote on your favorites and we'll announce the winners and reveal our own preferences on September 21st.  

         In the last round some of you joined in with your own competing songs.   Feel free to join in again for this battle.   Don't worry about the theme.   Pick your own tunes.   If you want to join in with your own BOTB post let me know in the comments and I'll add your link to my Sunday post.

         See you Sunday!



         

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