The Boy Who Refused to Sing

           "Sing, Lee," Mrs. Toomb pleaded with exasperation on her face.  If I had continued to look at her, I might have seen a sad disappointment in her eyes.   But I did not look.  Instead I looked back down to the notebook where I had been scrawling cartoon-like drawings.

             And so it went for a while, until eventually she no longer paid attention to me.  While the joyous sounds of the eighth grade choir raised voices in song, I sat there reading, writing, or just wishing I weren't there.  I figured I had fulfilled my part of the deal, now she had to give me the good grade that I was expecting just for being in the class.

           All seventh graders were required to take a general music class.  Mrs. Toomb took an immediate liking to me when she discovered that I played violin and I participated in one of her choir programs.  Later that year one of my musical compositions was featured in a musical Mrs. Toomb produced with the combined efforts of her classes.  In the same program my next door neighbor and I presented a juggling act.  I became almost like the proverbial teacher's pet.

             At the end of that school year she convinced me to take choir as an elective class the following year.  Somehow I got the impression that as long as I was in the class I was guaranteed an easy A grade.  What I didn't realize was that I was going to be expected to sing.   As far as I was concerned I was not going to sing.  I stubbornly stuck to that throughout the entire year.

            Looking back, I'm not sure why I was so stubborn at times when I was younger.  Sometimes I would just adamantly refuse to do something if I didn't want to do it.   I was goth before there was goth.  It was early mid-sixties and I was typically dressed in black pants and black turtleneck.  I was often absorbed in reading or writing.  I did what I wanted to do and singing was not on my list.  Or so I tried to convince myself.

         The truth is that I was just afraid to let anyone hear me sing.  I loved singing then and I like to sing now.  Mrs. Toomb gave me my A for the first grading period, but thereafter she gave me Cs.  I guess she figured that she had talked me into choir and didn't want to fail me like I deserved.  I decided not to sign up for ninth grade choir class.

          Not long after that I began writing many songs.  I would often hide myself away in my bedroom quietly singing the songs I was writing.  As the years went by, I would occasionally make crude recordings of some of my songs.   At gatherings with some of my musician friends I would sometimes add vocal harmonies in our jam sessions together.

         When I was in my forties I began singing in the church choir.  A few times I sang solo parts in choral presentations.  On a few occasions I even performed duets with a friend before the entire congregation.  I was nervous, but it was an exhilarating experience to sing before an audience.   I couldn't help but think of my old eighth grade choir teacher.   Sorry, Mrs. Toomb, but you knew what I needed and I just didn't recognize it at the time.