|The New Orleans "Picayune" mascot frog character as a waiter (Photo credit: Wikipedia)|
Social security just doesn't meet the needs of people like me. I suppose I might ditch the house I have now in favor of smaller cheaper living quarters and subsist on a meager diet of stuff I buy in bulk or at the 99 Cent Store. I could just stay home and not ever get new clothes or do much of anything but watch TV--free digital television over the airwaves. There are a lot of things that I could cut back on I suppose, but my wife would really hate it I'm sure.
With all this in mind I've been contemplating ways I could pick up extra income. Saturday, while dining at Red Lobster, my in-laws' favorite restaurant, I began daydreaming over my fishy lunch as I watched the waitstaff bustling about. Then it hit me--maybe I could wait tables in a restaurant like that. Why not? Tips would probably not be too bad and I could probably get discounts on meals for all the times we eat there. Believe me--we should own stock in the Darden Restaurant group.
As I pondered my table waiting dream, I realized that these were young folks. I would be totally out of place in an establishment like this. No one would want a slow old guy like me waiting on them. And I'd be a pretty crappy waiter at that. I'd be screwing up orders and spilling stuff and undoubtedly getting pretty cranky as my shift wore on.
Maybe I could get a job at the Original Pantry Cafe, one of L.A.'s oldest restaurants. That's a place with some old waiters. I've heard that some of those waiters have been there for 70 years. Those guys must really like their jobs. I'd probably have to wait for one of them to keel over dead before there would be an opening. Actually some of the waiters already look like they've died. They've been working there so long that they're just in the habit of being there and don't realize they're dead. It's possible that a lot of the customers are dead too so they don't pay any attention to the dead waiters.
If I'm going to work as a crappy old guy waiter then maybe I'll have to start my own Crappy Old Guy Waiter Restaurant. If I'm the owner though I guess I shouldn't be waiting tables. I should be greeting customers with a scowl and grumpy demeanor. So where can I find all those crappy old guys to wait tables? Or the bigger question is who wants to go to a restaurant where a bunch of crappy old guys are waiting tables?
Well I'm probably screwed on this idea. Scrap another great plan and get back to lunch. Something's fishy at Red Lobster.
Have you ever waited tables? What has been your rudest waiter in a restaurant? Which restaurant would you want to work in if you were going to work there for 50 years or more?