Don't feel insecure about your writing or your life. Let the members of the #IWSG help. "What?" you may say. Read my post and leave a comment. Then move on to read what others have offered on another Insecure Writer's Support Group day. For the list visit Alex J Cavanaugh's blog. Don't Let Me Die Before I Get Old
In the 60's British rock group The Who sang "I hope I die before I get old" in their iconic hit "My Generation". The song's writer Pete Townshend and singer Roger Daltrey must be rethinking those lyrics now that they've gone way past thirty. This sentiment was common in the generation who used to declare "Never trust anyone over 30". Of course now those from that era who are still living are way past 30 and I would imagine most of them are treasuring their lives and hoping for at least a few more years.
At times during my recent illness I would think about death and the things I still haven't accomplished in my life that I have hoped to do. Haven't you sometimes felt so bad that you thought Death was coming to take you away or at least felt so sick that death thoughts began crossing your mind? That's the state I was in for a while. Somehow feeling like total crap can cause you to just want to give up in a way, yet knowing what you have in life and hating to have to give up, you want at least another week, year, or decade.
Morbid you may say, but this was the sort of thinking that was crossing my mind now and then as I lay in my sickbed. I've had a great life and I have no problem with that. I recall when I was forty I mentioned to a friend that if I died then I would have felt like I had led a very full life. That was twenty years ago and my life is even fuller and better now. I'm still not ready to go yet, but sometimes the insecurities about my time on this Earth come to the surface of my thoughts. I'm not ready to go yet. I have too much to do.
I know I need to focus on my writing. I have so many ideas and stories to tell the world. Sickness can be a big setback. Many of you know this from your own experiences. In the throes of illness I was plotting my pathway to completing my goals. Later new goals come and more life roadblocks. Life keeps on coming and we never know what's around that next curve.
Maybe some of you remember the Bible story of King Hezekiah who prayed for more time to live and then he recovered from a severe illness to live another fruitful fifteen years. For me fifteen years would be good. Fifty years would be better if they were years of reasonable health and self-sufficiency.
I used to always tell people that I was going to live to 156 years old. I was much younger when I said that. Youth is often the domain of foolish thinking. Or maybe it's dreaming. Nothing wrong with dreaming I say. I've always been a dreamer. That's something I hope I never lose, but it's also something I hope I always use.
Do you ever contemplate your own death? Have you known anyone who died before they could fulfill their dreams? If you could stay in good health, how long would you like to live?
