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Friday, September 14, 2012

Hijacked By a Pickleope? Who Would Have Ever Thunk?

            In this post we're visited by a--how should I say it--a truly eccentric blogger.  If you haven't visited Pickleope then you are in for a very different experience.  Call her posts strange, but often they make a great deal of sense in their own offbeat manner.   Read on:

Dedication to a Delusion

A tremendous thank you to the incredibly generous Mr. Bird for sharing his space with me and all the other great guest hijackers.

As an introduction, I’m Pickleope, the bizarre combination of an anthropomorphic pickle and an alcoholic antelope. The avatar symbolizes my embrace of the absurdity present all around us.



For example, one man in South Carolina has taken his dedication to the idea of a woman he once dated a DECADE ago to preternatural lengths. Even though she broke up with him a decade ago, this man could not let the emotional connection he had with this woman die.

The Story:
Once upon a time, well, a decade ago, a woman dated a guy for a year, then broke up with him because he became involved in “petty crime.” Last year she asked him to help hang doors on her home. Which is fine, because after a decade, you’d think that in fact he too had moved on and would be willing to help out a friend. He hung the doors without incident. Somewhere between last year and now, ex-boyfriend was arrested and subsequently released from jail. A couple days ago, this single mother of five noticed nails falling out of her ceiling only to discover this ex-boyfriend living in the heating unit of her attic. He had been living there for two weeks, spying on her through her vents. Once discovered, he hopped down, smiled, and walked out the door without saying a word. He has yet to be caught. (Full story here.)

I don’t remember the names of people who broke up with me a year ago, let alone a decade ago. They cast me off and thus, I freed up the brain cells devoted to remembering their names, filling them with more important information, like the names of ancillary “Dr. Who” characters.

He needs to think about ex’s like they thought of him, as things that don’t exist until you need them to do something for you. Ex’s are heinous social pariahs you can occasionally manipulate into doing stuff for you. While you are dating someone, he/she is a beautiful mythical faerie sent by Hera as a thank you for being awesome, but once your bond is severed, he/she mutates into a grotesque agent of Hades (that’s for my Greek mythology nerds).

This is what I assume all my ex's look like now.

When the relationship ends, you have to let it go. Just like any idea, when it dies, you mourn its loss and move on. I let the idea of my ever floating to work in a jetpack die. Yes, I’m sad that I won’t ever get the chance to fly over traffic and probably moon my boss on the way, yes, I’m sad I won’t get to do that. But I moved on. I didn’t live in the Rocketeer’s attic for weeks.

This is akin to people who camped out for the third Star Wars prequel, Revenge of the Sith. The first two prequels were like George Lucas breaking up with the fans (arguably Return of the Jedi was too) but some fans couldn’t accept the rejection of a series of movies that moved on from them to a new group of fans more than a decade ago. So, in the vainglorious hope that the third prequel would embrace them with Vader magnificence and not Ewok them right in the Jar Jar yet again, these people camped out. The idea wasn’t allowed to die, and thus, these people cost themselves the chance to pursue real happiness. Mourn and move on.

That’s the lesson here: Don’t camp out in the attic of an idea or you’ll end up having to explain to police why you thought it was a good idea to use a small cup as your bathroom. Metaphorically, of course.

Thanks again to Arlee Bird for allowing me to camp out in his attic and to you, good reader, for enduring this pile of nonsense.

Your pal Pickleope (pickleope.com )
http://www.pickleope.com/

         Totally wacky?-- or do you see the sense in this?   Have you ever hung on vainly to a lost cause?   Has an ex ever weirdly reentered your life?   Do you know who's living in your attic?


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19 comments:

  1. Hilarious!
    Didn't camp out for Jedi, but I did wait several hours in a really long line.

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  2. This post is incredibly funny and I'm glad Pickleope dropped by to post for us. I'd seen his comments and was interested as to what exactly a Pickleope is haha. I agree completely with the post too, people can sometimes go way too far with obsessions. Like recently I've been hanging onto a lost cause out of love but I don't think the love is really there anymore so I don't know what I'm doing really, it's kind of scary.

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  3. I love a tale with a moral, although I have been known to look for a Morel with a tale in the past but that whole episode just total mushroomed out of control.... HAHAH HHAHAH Hah ahhah hahahh hah hah hahah hah hah. Sorry I got distracted, words can do that.

    Anyway it was an excellent story (Odyssey); I just have one small question. It appears the woman being spied on had vents. It took me some time to work out the implications of this but then it clicked, fish have vents therefore the woman in question must have been a Mermaid. In other words a siren of the sea or Σειρῆνες Seirēnes to be technical, well the poor bloke was probably a love lost fisherman used to living in a confined space. He stood no chance.....

    So in that case, if all this is true we need to consider all the facts before condemning this poor fisherman. After all it is not uncommon to have fishy things going on attics.

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  4. The story of the man hiding in her house is scary.

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  5. I know it's weird to comment on your own guest post, but here we go.
    Thank you yet again for the opportunity to write this guest post. It was oh so fun.

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  6. Bizarre. No, not the picklelope (he's kinda cute), the weirdo in the attic.

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  7. OMG. That was great. I love reading stuff like that. I sometimes wish I could a point that was that much fun to convey.
    Brush the dust of the memories off your feet and move on. Seems I've read that before.

    Eat cheesecake, listen to Pink Floyd, love Jesus above all.
    DJ GlenMC

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  8. Drinking my coffee and smiling at this post. Enjoyed it!

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  9. I would imagine thete are a few people on facebook who are perhaps silently living in my attic!
    Quite an interesting post

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  10. Last I checked there were a few wasp families living in their lovely cubicles attached to the eaves. Not much else. Hubs took care of that with a couple of spurts of anti wasp juice.

    Unbelievable story, lolol!

    Lost causes? Nope. Have better things to do. :-)

    Sia McKye OVER COFFEE

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  11. I had a girl that I never even quite dated leave a cake on my parent's porch for me. It was really weird. I didn't eat any of it. In fact, I would have thrown it out, but everyone else decided to eat it.

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  12. this post puts to question my theory that men hardly ever pine away for an old flame---this give me new hope that somewhere out there my old exes are still dreaming of me ;)

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  13. Hey Lee and hey Pickleope,
    And to add to the festivities, you are now getting a comment from Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star!
    I thought the name had something to do with somebody or something eloping with a pickle. Oh, how wrong I was.
    Hey Picklelope, I bet you would have loads of fun on 'X'Mas day.
    Anyway, one um oh deer, one dill of a story here. And very nice to meet you even thought I believe I've been dazzled by your clever comments on Psycho Carnival.
    And Lee, where have you been?
    Seriously, good to see you make note of this fine blogger.
    Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses, Penny xx

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  14. Great, funny, scary all in one post,

    Yvonne.

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  15. Ok, I think I'd have to move out of that house ASAP! Great Post and no, I did not wait for hours to watch that movie, but someone in my immeditate family did...and I have never let him live it down!
    Blessings, Joanne

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  16. I had bats in my attic, until one morning my cat left me a decapitated bat head in front of my doors. Hope it wasn't Vlad Dracula....

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  17. Great laugh for the day. Thanks. Now I'm off to check my attic.

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  18. Hi. I followed Pickleope here. Mighty fine guest posting, for sure.

    I had no expectations for those movies, so I wasn't upset. Not as upset as I was by realizing personal gyrocopters aren't feasible for daily commutes.

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  19. Thanks to Pickleope for this very creative post and to all who stopped by to visit.

    Lee

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