Personal Encounters with Mental Disorder

“I think that we're all mentally ill. Those of us outside the asylums only hide it a little better - and maybe not all that much better after all.”

  --Stephen King

Drawn by early 20th-century commercial cat illustrator Louis Wain near the beginning of his mental illness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Was There Something Wrong with Me? 

        When I was in high school I became concerned that I might have had or had been becoming afflicted with a mental disorder.  I felt out of place, unable to fit in well with the culture of my peers.   Most of the time when I wasn't at school I stayed home watching television, reading, writing--doing solitary activities.  Having few friends, I was certain that there was something not quite right with me.

        In my concern, I began doing research about "mental illness".  I read every book and article I could find on the subject.  When I enrolled in college, I started out with a major in psychology with my aim set on become a psychiatrist or a psychoanalyst or something related to these fields, partly in hopes of curing my own affliction.

       As I was completing my second year in my pursuit of my major in psychology, I began to rethink my original intentions.  This was partly due to my struggle with the required statistics classes which I could not understand why they were important to what I wanted to do.  In retrospect I wish I had focused better on those classes as statistics is now a topic that does interest me.  At the time it just seemed like another difficult degree requirement that I would have rather not had to contend with.

       That's when I changed my major to English and pursued a general liberal arts education that left me with a fairly well-rounded acquisition of appreciation of fine arts and general knowledge in a whole realm of different subjects.  This is the course I pursued for five years until dropping out of the University of Tennessee just a few credits shy of a degree.

         Soon after that I found myself with a career in show business traveling on the road and discovering that I wasn't any more mentally ill than most average people.  What I had earlier mistaken for "mental illness" was merely a state of mind called adolescence and then later it went on to become aimless meandering of young adulthood.

          Reflecting with old friends and acquaintances as years went by I discovered that not only many of them had the same self doubts and fears that I had, but some suffered to a greater degree.  Through the years I've seen people I know struggle with problems of dependency and depression.  A few even committed suicide.  Some came out of those years just fine while others fared far less well than I.

          I guess we've all had our moments of craziness and periods when life tried to batter us down. I can't think of anyone that I've known who hasn't at least considered therapy, counseling, or some kind of treatment whether it be from someone else or their own pursuits of self-help.  What we ourselves do with major or minor mental crises determines how our own stories turn out in the end.

My Brother's Story

         My youngest brother by eleven years difference began his own struggle with mental disorder after he entered high school.  By that time I was mostly away from home so I wasn't close to what was happening in his life or the lives of my parents.  I didn't understand the seriousness of his condition until after he was hospitalized with a diagnosis of schizophrenia.   And being away like I was, the situation didn't have that much of an impact on me.

         My brother's condition was a great burden of sorrow on my father until the time of his death at age 67.  My father kept my brother in the best hospitals until his insurance would no longer cover the cost.  Over time my father researched the disorder and sought out whatever treatment he thought might help and yet to no avail.  His youngest son seemed to be hopelessly ill with no cure that would even bring a semblance of normalcy to his life.  There came a resignation that his youngest son, my youngest brother whom I discovered that I had never really gotten to know very well, would probably be institutionalized for the remainder of his life.

        After my father died in 1990, my mother was left to shoulder that burden which was a burden that she carried mostly on her own (with the help of the mental health professionals) for the next 24 years.   Fortunately she did meet a kind devoted man who became her partner in 1997 who did help her tremendously until his death in 2012.  And though I spoke to my mother regularly--and after 2009 almost daily--on the phone and visited her as often as I could, she being in Tennessee and me in California, and she received some emotional support from my other siblings, this was still a relatively small solace in contending with a mother's baby who was in such a sad condition of mental health.

        Then my mother died in November of 2014.  Still institutionalized in Nashville, his closest family living three hours away, my brother was an orphan in his fifties.   The responsibility of attending to his affairs fell upon me.  Correspondence and reporting from the care facility is directed towards me and now it is I who is responsible for making important medical and life decisions for my brother.

         He calls me several times a week and sometimes several times a day mostly to talk about music CD's he wants me to order for him.  Most of that CD conversation is redundant if not a bit perplexing to me since he seems to be buying music that he has owned in the past that has been lost or stolen.  All of the music is from the seventies and eighties or newer releases that those same artists might have put out.  Sometimes he tells me about other things he needs like clothes.  The CD's, the clothes, and whatever else he wants or needs I order online and have drop shipped to him at the hospital where he lives.

          Occasionally, I'll try to get him to change the subject of what he wants me to order for him to something about him and his life.  In some rare instances he'll talk about the past or he'll talk about his life now.  Often I don't quite understand what he is referring to or the stories will seem so outlandish that I don't know if they're real or not.  He often tells me about his pain, mostly due to his legs and neck being broken. I tell him that he wouldn't be able to get around if his neck and legs were broken, but that doesn't convince him that they are not broken.

         Some readers of my previous posts of the past week might have thought that I take the topic of mental disorders lightly.  Believe me, I have first hand experience with the subject of mental disorders.  I understand the difficulties that those directly affected by mental afflictions go through as well as the pain and sadness that the families and others might face.  Mental affliction is a serious matter and yet like most serious matters you can laugh about them sometimes.  One almost has to laugh about them now and then.  Life can heap enough pain, sadness, and misery upon us that can wear us away and even destroy us if we allow the negatives to beat us down.  There are times to weep as well as times to laugh, so laugh I will when I feel like laughing and laugh I will in the face of defeat and adversity.  Laughter is, as the cliche goes, the best medicine and that is something I firmly believe.

        I have a great tendency towards being a patient person.  I also attempt to be one who will try to reason with those who are being unreasonable.  This is partly why I've taken on my President Trump Acclimation Series.  I've been hearing the craziness all around me for eighteen months now.

         Unlike trying to reason with my brother, I have hope that some of the vehement anti-Trumpers can be reasoned with.  There are also times I tip to the edge of humor with poking a bit of fun at what I see as lunacy on the left.  Even my brother has brief flashes of what seems like a brilliant clarity that makes me want to believe he's been scamming all of us all along.  However, I know that's not true but only my glimmer of hope that one day he'll suddenly say with lucidity that he wants to come back and be a part of the reasoning world.  When he explains concepts of wants versus needs or contemplates spiritual issues I have a hope that the man that my father dreamed of my brother becoming one day has finally emerged from a distant dim place of confused thinking.   When he comes up with an insightful bit of wit that brings laughter to the both of us, I feel like somehow he gets the humorous aspect of life's darker sides.

          I don't really expect that he will be better any time soon because he has been medicated for too many years and probably could not exist without being in some type of institutionalized setting where others have to make decisions for him.  It's doubtful that he can ever live normally like most of the society around me.

          Then I look at the insanity that is going around in this supposedly normal society.  In my post Is Extreme Anti-Trumpism a Mental Illness  I might have seemed to be making light of a serious situation, but I was indeed as serious as I could be about this current socio-political phenomena.  Consistently taking things to an extreme and fixating upon them can, in my opinion, start leading to some serious problems within an individual as well as within our society.

A Closing Thought with Example

            I realize this has been a long post, but I felt a need to clarify where I'm coming from about mental afflictions and fixations and such related things.  Before I close, I'd like to leave you with an exchange between myself and a blogger who has seemed to have developed what I think is a peculiar almost unhealthy fixation regarding President Trump, Trump supporters, and the beliefs those supporters have.  I've decided to no longer identify or link to this blogger, but as illustrated in an exchange which began prior to Donald Trump's announcement to run for president and continued to shortly before his inauguration.  The nature of the relationship as it progresses strikes me as weird, but I'll let you decide.

        To set up the comment thread, the original post was what I found to be a rather cynical, but entertaining review of the film Whiplash.  Take note that I was interested in the conversation with this blogger enough to remember the initial exchange and return to the conversation over a year after it began.  Here is the thread that ensued with dates of each comment and response:

Arlee BirdJanuary 28, 2015 at 12:20 PM

Very funny review.

I've been hearing so many good things about this film that it's had me curious to see it. Then your review reaffirms the bad things I've heard about this film. I might see this one eventually when it makes it to DVD, but I might forget to see it too. This sounds like one of those films that will end up on my Netflix queue toward the bottom and never make it toward the top because I keep putting other films above it.

Then again, based on your review, I might have to see it just to see what you've described. It sounds pretty crazy.\

anon blogger          January 28, 2015 at 1:09 PM
Lee: It is pretty crazy. But what I find more crazy than the movie are all the things people who like it are saying about it. It's like, maybe, they are blinded by the music aspect of the movie. Or, maybe, they all had experiences with a band director who yelled at them for screwing up, so it's some kind of "experience" to see the movie. I don't know.

Arlee BirdFebruary 19, 2016 at 10:15 AM
Finally a year later my wife and I watched this film. We both liked it a great deal. Everything you've pointed out above is true, but I guess I'm often more than willing to suspend disbelief for a film like this. I'm not as forgiving these days to suspend my disbelief for a lot of the sci-fi that I watch (which I find myself watching less as time goes by).

Whiplash was entertaining for me aside from the parts that annoyed me. I can be pretty forgiving about a lot of movies while others (e.g. Prometheus) I find my assessment to be rather harsh.
              January 7, 2017 at 12:51 AM
               I guess that just serves to demonstrate that you have a fucked up, distorted view of actual reality.
(Yes, I am only just now seeing that you left this comment.)


       Have you ever felt like you were experiencing some sort of mental affliction or breakdown?    What have been your direct encounters with people who have been diagnosed with a mental disorder?   Does the example of the comment exchange I've provided seem odd to you or do you find it totally acceptable?
             

Going Out of my Head (#BOTB)

      Mental illness is not only used as a metaphor to cover a broad swath of conditions of the state of the human mind, it has also been literally called a metaphor by some who have studied the issue.  In his renown book The Myth of Mental Illness (published in 1960), Thomas Szasz introduced the controversial idea that "mental illness" is not a true disease in the same sense as cancer and the concept termed as mental illness is in reality "a metaphor for human problems in living".   Szasz actually comes to a conclusion that those who say they have a mental illness have a "fake disease.

      While some might deem the variant popular terms related to mental illness as disrespectful and flippant, many of us use descriptions like nuts, loony, crazy, and whacked to describe a number of human conditions.  Love has often been cited as the cause for driving one mad or crazy and not in a true psychological sense of the condition described.

       In the following post-Valentine's Day Battle of the Bands I present a popular song that has nothing to do with what we would normally think of mental illness, but uses the condition of being in love as a metaphor for a disruptive mental condition...
   


Battle of the Bands


Battle of the Bands is the blogging event started by Far Away Series and now hosted by StMcC Presents Battle of the Bands.   This event happens twice each month on the 1st and 15th.   The premise is simple:  Listen to the songs presented below and then in the comments vote for your favorite and tell us why you liked it.  Then visit the links listed near the bottom of this post for more Battle action


Goin' Out of My Head

       I was still in middle school when Little Anthony and the Imperials hit the pop music charts with the lovely "Goin' Out of My Head".   Living in the Chicago Land area at the time, I'd hear this song played often on radio station WLS and it became a theme song of sorts for my own adolescent longings for love.  In reality I had little idea of what romantic love was really about, but like many a young fellow I thought I was in love more than a few times and it was never easy.  Unrequited love, lost love, or any love that leaves one unsatisfied or unfulfilled has been the inspiration for so many songs.

      For the purpose of reference only--DON'T VOTE ON THIS VERSION--here's that original version of "Goin' Out of My Head" in case you've forgotten or never heard it before.

      Since that first recording of "Goin' Out of My Head" was released, the song has been covered by many artists both vocally and instrumentally. In this current Battle I present two versions that are quite different from the original.  The tempo and energy gets stepped up a bit to give the song a distinctly different flavor.  So get your dancing shoes on and get ready to move and groove and go out of your head...

Gloria Gaynor  "Goin' Out of My Head"  (1978)

      After ten years of paying her dues in the music business, Gloria Gaynor finally broke out as a well known artist with her disco album that included her hit "Never Can Say Good-bye".   However her signature song "I Will Survive" will always be the one most identified with her. The album that featured that song also included Gaynor's fine cover of "Goin' Out of My Head".  I'll have to admit a bit of a weakness for disco music so I happen to like her cover though I know there are some of you who might not be so keen on this music genre.  Hope this doesn't drive you out of your head...






La Lupe "Goin' Out of My Head"  (1967)

        "The Queen of Latin Soul" La Lupe was a popular Cuban entertainer who was no stranger to controversy when it came to her frenzied performances as well as her life outside of music.  Exiled after Castro took power, La Lupe eventually landed in New York performing with Tito Puente among other notable musicians. Her career was short-lived as she descended into a life of drugs and destitution.  A long adherent to the religion of Santeria, she eventually ended up crippled and homeless until healed at an evangelical crusade after which she became a born again Christian.  Her final recordings were albums of Christian music.  She died in New York City in 1992 at the age of 52.

           Get up and dance to the crazy Latin sounds of La Lupe...





Time To Vote!

        Maybe not your favorite musical styles, but hopefully you have an opinion of some kind.  Which version do you like the best?   Surely one version drove you less crazy than the other.

        Please vote on your favorite by letting us know your choice in the comment section and tell us why you prefer the version you chose. Then after you've finished here, please visit the other blogs listed below who may or may not be participating this time around. And if you've put up your own BOTB contest let us know that as well so we can vote on yours.

Here are some other places where you might find BOTB posts:

 StMcC Presents Battle of the Bands

 ‘YOUR DAILY DOSE’ 

  'MIKE'S RAMBLINGS'

'Curious as a Cathy'

Sound of One Hand Typing

The Doglady's Den 

Angel's Bark  

Cherdo on the Flipside  

Jingle, Jangle, Jungle 
  

Winner Announced on Wednesday February 22nd
    I'll tally the votes next Tuesday and announce the winner of this match-up the following day Wednesday February 22nd. However, since we'll have a week-end that gives adequate time for everyone to stop in to vote, I'll be continuing my topic on mental illness on Monday the 20th. If you missed the first installment, you can find it here.

        What are your thoughts about the "Mental Illness is a myth" theory?  Are you offended by non-pc terms like crazy, nuts, mad, and others?   What do you think  is the "cure" or solution to mental illness or do you think there is one?  

Is Extreme Anti-Trumpism a Mental Illness?

Mental Illness: 
Any of various disorders characterized by impairment of an individual's thoughts,emotions, or social functioning
The American Heritage® Medical Dictionary

Introduction:  Keep Your Cool If You Can

       More than a few reading this article will undoubtedly be offended by its premise.  In no way do I intend to make light of the serious issue of mental illness.  My post of next Monday February 20th will elaborate on my own background on the broader topic of mental illness, but for today I will start with that which will offend some while others will understand the gist of my argument.  I might as well add to the outrage some have felt over my previous posts in my President Trump Acclimation Series.

       Keep in mind that my intent is to present my side of a story with the hope of starting an intelligent discussion.  Some might call it stirring the pot or some such term, but I think of my aim here as merely Tossing It Out--presenting ideas for you to consider.  It's something I've done since the outset of my blogging, except in recent months my subject matter has had a tendency to rile more than a few readers and followers.   And I don't always expect that what I write here will make everyone feel good or agree with.

An Illness Takes Root

       By no means am I the first to suggest that liberalism and leftist thinking are mental disorders.  The idea has been around for many years, but the extremism displayed by the anti-Trump crowd seems to have taken the notion to levels of absurdity.

       Now, be assured that I am not assigning the "mental illness" label to those who merely don't like President Trump or disagree with him.  That's as normal as those who didn't like President Obama or any other politician, person, idea, or whatever.  What I'm talking about is the ceaseless ranting, sometimes to almost foaming at the mouth proportions, about the President, his administration, his supporters, and anything else related to Trump or his family.

       Prior to June of 2015 there were probably few people who thought much about Donald Trump.  Most of us knew the name, some of us might have seen him on television, but for the majority of us Donald Trump had little to no affect on our thinking.

       At first Donald Trump was dismissed as a joke, a passing fad perhaps.  But then a strange thing began to happen.  Trump's words began to be taken more seriously by those who understood what he was talking about.   His rallies drew crowds,  He began to amass a large number of followers.

        The media seemed perplexed, but recognized the value of a ratings generating story.  The political world began to feel annoyed and then intimidated.  With every seeming misstep taken by Trump that pundits predicted would cause him to collapse, the novice candidate would only grow more popular and gain more credible standing in the presidential race.

        Trump's presence in the race was maddening to the mainstream media and absolutely frustrating to most of the Republican party. In the meantime, Democrats smugly cast derision upon the Donald and prepared for the coronation of Queen Hillary.  Those on the left who weren't rioting or protesting Donald Trump, campaigned with full expectation of another win for the Democrats.

         When the outcome of the November election didn't turn out as planned, Democrats and other liberals were confused and shaken.  At first reduced to stunned disbelief and weeping, soon many began to express rage as they tried to figure out what had happened.  Thankfully, most who had been against Trump in the election are essentially still against him, but have dropped the issue to move on with their lives. Oh, sure, they'll express their displeasure when pressed, but for the most part they have moved on with their lives and dropped the issue.  A steadfast number, however, cling to their outrage and are unwilling to shut up about the whole thing, repeating the same tired complaints and arguments about President Trump and anyone who supports his administration.  They take their negativity to a level of irrationality.

Who's to Blame and When Will It End?

        Media in all its forms planted the seeds of insanity regarding the anti-Trump movement while television media takes it to a level of utter absurdity.  If one accepts the cliched definition of insanity being the repetition of certain actions then watch television to confirm it.

       Unable to watch CNN and MSNBC for any extended periods of time I tend to watch Fox News more than any other network. At times, I have suspected the casting agents at Fox of placing wild eyed wackos who spew nonsense and convey dubious logic as representatives of liberalism.  They are often like unrealistic caricatures of mentally disturbed agents of the left.  Then I switch over to the competing networks and there are the same types of spokespersons along with  fake news panels and show hosts who repeat the same nonsense ad nauseam that we've been hearing since Donald Trump began running and continuing after his unexpected win.

       And what about the demonstrators protesting Trump.  Or the rioters going bonkers with disruption, destruction, and as much chaos as they can create.  Is there any element of sanity to any of this behavior?  They carry "Love Trumps Hate" signs and decry violence while interfering with the normal people who just want to catch planes, get to work, or whatever it is that normal people are trying to do when their activities are screwed over by people who are angry because their side lost and now they no longer know how to behave in any sensible manner.

        I find it immensely ironic when certain representatives in Congress and other arms of government suggest that President Trump may be suffering from mental problems.  Excuse me--look at who are the ones delivering these messages:  Al Franken, Nancy Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren, and so on.  These are like the poster faces of emotionally unstable individuals so who are they to be casting aspersions.  Please!  You people are driving me nuts when I see and listen to you.

A Contagion Infecting Many

      A lot has settled since the immediate aftermath of the election and yet there are a persistent minority who won't let any of their post-election grief and anger subside.  There are still those folks on Facebook and Twitter who have a compulsion to continue with their loony tune posts and more often than not there are vitriol and insults directed toward others on those social mediums, often family and friends--or should I say ex-friends.  I ignore these things for the most part, but I wonder what these whiners are trying to accomplish to make the world a better place.   Their posts become repetitive empty railings to the other inmates in their imaginary asylum of life while they alienate the rest of us.

      I'm sure there are also a number of bloggers doing much the same thing, but since I've mostly only been visiting the blogs of those who have commented on my posts I'm missing those anti-Trump rantings.  There is one blogger, who I will no longer name or link to, who is bearded and conveys this arrogant attitude as though he were the supreme expert on all things including morality, who I occasionally check on only because his posts seem to be in response to mine.  It's sad because I've known this blogger for quite some time and have always made some attempt to be congenial with him even though he often retorted with his better and smarter than thou responses to my comments.  At least I tried to be nice.  The few comments he receives are mostly from a small stable of like thinkers who somehow seem gratified that this blogger's words have provided some validation to their own irrational thinking.

       Like thinkers seem to congregate and when those like thinkers are extreme left, anti-Christian, anti-Trumpsters there seems to not only be no room for any opinion from the other side, but they will also be rudely castigated for their opinion, ignored, or even have their comments deleted.  So much for free exchange of ideas.

 So What About You, Mr. Loony Bird?

       Some of you might be thinking, "Well, you've keep posting your pro-Trump garbage!  Doesn't that make you mentally ill too?"

         Okay, fair enough.  The difference, as I've pointed out from the beginning of my series, is that I'm taking the arguments and insults against Trump and his supporters and attempting to rationally explain each one, disprove the fallacies, and correct what I see as outright lies.  I've also been trying to analyze what I see as serious issues from my point of view arguing my case regarding each issue.

          I have tried throughout to be respectful of opposing views and attempted to avoid calling names or casting a net of generalized insults.  And if you're thinking of my earlier comment about certain politicians who I think look unstable then I'll just say I'm dishing a bit of slop back to them and I didn't intend to insult any of you directly.

            Then there is one final thing I want to point out.  There have been some excellent discussions on the posts in my series.   Some of you have gotten upset and some of those readers may no longer be reading Tossing It Out, but in each of those cases I think that I have responded in a responsible manner--maybe a little ticked in a couple of cases--but I've always tried to smooth things over when I've felt there has been a misunderstanding of some sort.  If I've failed then let me know and I'll be willing to engage as respectfully as I know how.

           In closing let me say that I have the best commenters anywhere.  Even the ones who have gotten upset with me.  You are always welcomed at my site and your comments will always be read and acknowledged when I can.  That is, unless they become vile and profanity laden.  Then they are deleted.  Fortunately, this hasn't happened yet if I remember correctly.   But like I said, I have the best commenters of any blog.  Of course, I'm a bit prejudiced about those who leave comments on my site.  Why wouldn't I think you're the best?   Thank you all.

           A bit more on this topic next Monday.  Be here this Wednesday for my next Battle of the Bands which will be featuring two versions of a song that relates to today's post.

         Have you been having a difficult time watching any of the television shows that are overly fixated on the outcome of the election?   What annoys you the most on television?    Do you have any idea about my song pick for my next Battle of the Bands match?