Hijacked By a Pickleope? Who Would Have Ever Thunk?

            In this post we're visited by a--how should I say it--a truly eccentric blogger.  If you haven't visited Pickleope then you are in for a very different experience.  Call her posts strange, but often they make a great deal of sense in their own offbeat manner.   Read on:

Dedication to a Delusion

A tremendous thank you to the incredibly generous Mr. Bird for sharing his space with me and all the other great guest hijackers.

As an introduction, I’m Pickleope, the bizarre combination of an anthropomorphic pickle and an alcoholic antelope. The avatar symbolizes my embrace of the absurdity present all around us.

For example, one man in South Carolina has taken his dedication to the idea of a woman he once dated a DECADE ago to preternatural lengths. Even though she broke up with him a decade ago, this man could not let the emotional connection he had with this woman die.

The Story:

Once upon a time, well, a decade ago, a woman dated a guy for a year, then broke up with him because he became involved in “petty crime.” Last year she asked him to help hang doors on her home. Which is fine, because after a decade, you’d think that in fact he too had moved on and would be willing to help out a friend. He hung the doors without incident. Somewhere between last year and now, ex-boyfriend was arrested and subsequently released from jail. A couple days ago, this single mother of five noticed nails falling out of her ceiling only to discover this ex-boyfriend living in the heating unit of her attic. He had been living there for two weeks, spying on her through her vents. Once discovered, he hopped down, smiled, and walked out the door without saying a word. He has yet to be caught. (Full story here.)

I don’t remember the names of people who broke up with me a year ago, let alone a decade ago. They cast me off and thus, I freed up the brain cells devoted to remembering their names, filling them with more important information, like the names of ancillary “Dr. Who” characters.

He needs to think about ex’s like they thought of him, as things that don’t exist until you need them to do something for you. Ex’s are heinous social pariahs you can occasionally manipulate into doing stuff for you. While you are dating someone, he/she is a beautiful mythical faerie sent by Hera as a thank you for being awesome, but once your bond is severed, he/she mutates into a grotesque agent of Hades (that’s for my Greek mythology nerds).

This is what I assume all my ex's look like now.

When the relationship ends, you have to let it go. Just like any idea, when it dies, you mourn its loss and move on. I let the idea of my ever floating to work in a jetpack die. Yes, I’m sad that I won’t ever get the chance to fly over traffic and probably moon my boss on the way, yes, I’m sad I won’t get to do that. But I moved on. I didn’t live in the Rocketeer’s attic for weeks.

This is akin to people who camped out for the third Star Wars prequel, Revenge of the Sith. The first two prequels were like George Lucas breaking up with the fans (arguably Return of the Jedi was too) but some fans couldn’t accept the rejection of a series of movies that moved on from them to a new group of fans more than a decade ago. So, in the vainglorious hope that the third prequel would embrace them with Vader magnificence and not Ewok them right in the Jar Jar yet again, these people camped out. The idea wasn’t allowed to die, and thus, these people cost themselves the chance to pursue real happiness. Mourn and move on.

That’s the lesson here: Don’t camp out in the attic of an idea or you’ll end up having to explain to police why you thought it was a good idea to use a small cup as your bathroom. Metaphorically, of course.

Thanks again to Arlee Bird for allowing me to camp out in his attic and to you, good reader, for enduring this pile of nonsense.

Your pal Pickleope (pickleope.com )
http://www.pickleope.com/

         Totally wacky?-- or do you see the sense in this?   Have you ever hung on vainly to a lost cause?   Has an ex ever weirdly reentered your life?   Do you know who's living in your attic?