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Friday, February 24, 2017

Why I Am the Funniest Guy in the Whole World

"Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth." - Victor Borge





       I'm convinced that I am the funniest guy in the whole world.  Why?  I'm the funniest guy because I'm the smartest guy in the world.  Not to say I'm more intelligent than some physicists, doctors, brilliant scholars, or any learned erudite individuals such as that.   There are many vocational abilities like auto mechanics, computer technology, or plumbing that I don't know much of anything about.  However, I could learn anything I wanted to learn if I so desired because I am so brilliant.

       My absolute brilliance is what makes me so funny.  You might as well accept that I'm smarter than you are.  Smarter than anyone anywhere is.

        Take for example some bearded pseudo-intellectual who looks like he could be a college professor or some bogus intelligentsia phony like that.  Sure, he might write or talk a good game that might cause some folks to believe he's brilliant because he thinks he's brilliant.   Forget it.  Not as smart as I am and nowhere near being as funny even when he tries.

         Or what about that new age globalist thinking so and so who thinks science has all the answers and she has attained some kind of moral superiority to others she sees as lesser to her though she might try to portray herself as equal to all.  Some might ooh and aah over her smooth written words, but any really smart person is not really fooled by that nonsense.  I mean, it's all okay--nice and all, but kind of a bore.

         There are smart and funny people in the world, but really no one smarter and funnier than I am.  I don't have to do anything to prove it.  Facts are facts. Alternate facts are even facts albeit they are alternate.  Some who read this might be annoyed by what I'm saying here, but if you're annoyed it might be because you don't get it.  Or maybe you're taking it all too seriously.  Lighten up--I'm hilarious and you know it.  Even if you don't immediately recognize it.

        The best humor is not often immediately understood because it requires deep long thought.  Or maybe not long and deep, but perceptive consideration.  Perceptivity is not something that comes natural to everyone.  Not if literal thinking about everything you hear gets in the way.  We can see this in a good many journalists on an everyday basis if you watch television mainstream news.  They are funny without thinking or realizing they're funny and they don't fully comprehend a lot of stuff they absorb because of overly literal thinking.  On the other hand, I get it because I am brilliantly perceptive.

        Anyone who doesn't realize that I'm amazingly funny is reading me the wrong way.  Or more likely they're not reading at all, but merely skimming through.  If you're skimming through this piece for example, you're liking missing the xjafadisg that I'm talking about here.  If you are reading with even casual care, that is, to the extent of comprehending part, but maybe not all of what I'm saying, then you might be getting it--or maybe there will be a delayed reaction.

        You might wake up tonight or in the wee hours of the dark morning chucking about this post.  Or you might find yourself laughing out of nowhere ten years from now and then suddenly realize it's because of what Arlee said in this current post.  Or even when you are in the far reaches of old age lying on your death bed finally getting what I once said, you might burst out laughing to the astonishment of loved ones gathered around your bedside as you vaguely recollect the gist of what has been written in this post.  Even if you don't remember exactly that it was this blog post or it was me who had said what was said here.   What a great satisfaction for me if you were to literally die laughing because of something I said so many years before.  I'll likely already be dead too, but it would still be a smile on my face if I knew it happened.

      Now, what I'm saying might not really be what you think you are reading.  In fact I might not even totally fathom the extent of my words in this blog post.  Just because I'm brilliant doesn't necessarily mean that I know everything immediately, but it only means I know more than you.  I am truly funny.   Hilarious.  Humor beyond all human comprehension.  Laughable I know, but because it's so brilliant you will eventually get the joke.  Even if you die arriving at the punchline.

       My guess is that someone reading this is irritated and annoyed, thinking, "What a pompous ass this Arlee Bird is."   Some guy somewhere is probably stroking his beard in perplexity, almost angry and brimming with frustration, knowing that I'm probably right--no, not probably, but he knows I am absolutely correct and there's nothing he can do to forget my words, until one day sad and misty eyed he will began to slightly smile and then burst into uproarious laughter that purges his sorrow and opens his heart to the complete awareness of the regret he has never understood until that brief uproariously funny moment when he realizes that the funniest guy in the world was me, Arlee Bird.

     Arlee Bird--The funniest, the smartest, the most acutely aware guy in the world.  And perhaps the most delusional.  But by then it all comes together as the beautiful most perfect delusion that brings laughter to all the world even though no one yet hears that laughter.

      If a joke falls upon an empty brain, does anyone laugh?

      Did this post annoy you, anger you, perplex you, or make you feel anything at all?  What has been the most inappropriate moment of your life when you found something to be funny?   Do you feel that posts like I have written here are a waste of time?   Are you going to waste your time watching the Academy Awards? 





48 comments:

  1. Well, Arlee, this post made me smile that's for sure. Is it wrong to admit that I actually looked up "xjafadisg"? Color me embarrassed. I had to make sure it wasn't a word in another language...yeah, yeah..that's it. :)

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    1. Elsie, that you actually looked up "xjafadisg" is a plus mark for you since that shows you were actually reading the post. That you smiled brought a smile to me as well. Thank you!

      Lee

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  2. I was amused. I knew it was all tongue in cheek.

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    1. Alex, but it wasn't tongue in cheek. I actually was as serious as could be.

      Lee

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  3. And here I thought I was the best of the best but your best counteracted my best and now my best is besting against your best. Best get to besting before my best out bests your best and some other best comes in to out best that best while another best sneaks in to whack that best and we are bested by a best who gets bested by our best all over again. Best watch those rich people pat themselves on the back at some best of the best awards or you won't feel your best.

    I tend to find things humorous most of the time, which ticks people off, but meh, I get a kick out of that too.

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    1. Pat, have I bested the best or am I better than the rest? May the best man win unless you gender identify otherwise, in which case may the best of the best be the best.

      I do well hiding my amusement much of the time, but I'm laughing inside.

      Lee

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  4. You are a funny guy, Lee. I was smiling throughout. ☺ Clever of you to add a nonsense word like "xjafadisg, to see if people are paying attention. Not only that, when they Google it, your post comes up. That is brilliant! As someone once said: "Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted." As for the Oscars; I prefer to record shows like this, to fast-forward through the commercials and boring stuff. Sometimes I don't even bother watching later, but just look online who won. Hope they keep politics out of it, but that's doubtful.

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    1. Debbie D, you mean funny like a clown? Gosh, it never occurred to me that "xjafadisg" would rank me a Google rating. I wonder how many people will find my blog post by looking up that word?

      If I'd watch the Awards, it would only be out of curiosity to see if any anti-Trump stuff comes up and then I'd get annoyed and turn it off. Sometimes I'll have the award shows on in the background while I'm doing online stuff. The fast forward method would be a good way to skim through. Actually, I don't have much personally invested in the Oscars as I haven't seen any of the films and none interest me all that much.

      Lee

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    2. I meant you have a good sense of humour and irony. Unfortunately, the Oscars have always been political. Do you remember when Marlon Brando won and sent up this actress, "Sacheen Littlefeather" to make a statement about Wounded Knee instead? Wrong place, wrong time, in my opinion.

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    3. Debbie D., I remember hearing about the Brando incident though I'm not sure I was watching it. I probably missed a good many Oscar broadcasts during the seventies and eighties. I don't see any need whatsoever for the Oscars to be used as a platform for causes. For that matter, in most cases I personally don't care what celebrities feel about politics and other issues.

      Lee

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    4. The Oscars should stick to celebrating art in film and honouring great performances, in my opinion, but some just can't resist and use it as a public soapbox. They have an inflated sense of their own importance, I guess. That's not likely to change.

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  5. Lee It must be so because your post made me laugh! Don't lose your sense of humor. I used to be able to laugh and write humor and oh yes at the most inappropriate times. Somewhere along the way I have lost the ability of that. Laughter, smiles and writing humor has been replaced with tears and sadness. On a lighter note I think someday your word xjafadisg will be among those in the urban dictionary! As for Oscars, Academy Awards, Bah Humbug on that! Keep Laughing!

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    1. Gossip Girl, hope you can regain that sense of laughter as it is a curative for many ills. I've retained mine though much of the time I laugh on the inside and my stoic countenance would never reveal what's going on.

      An appearance in the urban dictionary would be pretty cool, but I guess we'd need to learn how to pronounce that word first.

      Bah, humbug indeed---ha, ha, ha.

      By the way, hope you leave a link to your blog next time as clicking on your name leads to an unavailable profile and I've forgotten how to get to your blog.

      Lee

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    2. I thought the link was connected to the profile. Will try to fix that. TY for telling me. I can't get that link code to work for me so the link is: https://memorialvigil.blogspot.com/

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  6. Lee, you're not only brilliantly smart but clever and witty. I love how you pull posts together and sometime slip things in like your word invention xjafadisg. What does this mean again? Oh, you didn't say. You never annoy me. Your posts are not a waste of time or space. I don't watch award shows. They seem a bit pointless to me but what do I know? Thanks for sharing and making me smile today, my friend. Have a good weekend!

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    1. Cathy, now that's the way to butter me up--"brilliantly smart...clever and witty". Couldn't have said it better or at least if I did it might have sounded arrogant. Oh, but that is kind of what I wrote in my post.

      I'd rather leave a person with a smile on their face than a bad taste in their mouth. You have a great weekend as well.

      Lee

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  7. I didn't waste any time going to the movies. Why would I waste a perfectly good Sunday night watching the Academy Awards? I'd rather watch a 40-year-old episode of "Columbo" and a couple of episodes of an ancient "Sherlock Holmes." And that's what I plan to do.

    I got a giggle out of this, by the way.

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    1. John, not only did you not waste time, but, more importantly, you did not waste your money filling the coffers of ungrateful Hollywood blowhards.

      A giggle is as good as a Google I think.

      Lee

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  8. Outstanding, Lee! And just what the doctor ordered in terms of the benefits of laughter ;-) Regrettably, there were a couple of times that I laughed out loud in Church - not at the sermon by any means - but the microphone picked up every little sound.
    Nope, I have no desire to watch the Academy awards.
    Thanks for the smiles!

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    1. Diedre, I've often thought of absurd things at inappropriate times which caused me to laugh. As I've gotten older, I've learned to stifle the laughter better.

      Lee

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    2. Thankfully, kids do find humor before it's unacceptable ;-)

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  9. You did a good impersonation of Donald Trump. I, too, will pass on the Academy Awards. Incidentally, one of your readers made a bizarre inference from my previous statement that I was giving Trump 6 months to a year to produce on his promises or fall on his face. I would not like to see him assassinated. Apart from the usual reason, I would not like to see his successor get a free ride from his martyrdom, as Johnson did after the assassination and martyrdom of Jack Kennedy.

    Actually, I agree with much of what Trump identifies as wrong with the country. I just don't think he is qualified to bring us all together for the necessary corrections. I believe that you and 50 million others have fantasized a Trump who doesn't exist. So, surprise me.

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    1. Jack, we may be surprised in the end. And in any case, I think a lot of people were taken by surprise when Trump won and continue to be in a state of surprise--the shock and disbelief kind of surprised.

      Yeah, assassination would be a very bad thing to happen.

      Lee

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    2. LEE, Jack thinks you were doing an impersonation of Donald Trump, and since you didn't correct him on that point, I guess he was right. Color me "Shocked".

      It seemed to me that you were doing an impersonation of LOLeon Cobarde.

      I got it wrong, which I suppose isn't surprising considering the fact that I'm not nearly as smart as I like to think I am.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      Check out my new blog @
      (Link:] Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

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    3. STMcC, I am so great that I make impersonations of no one, but they have been channeling my brilliance. So many people have been fixated by Donald Trump that they see him everywhere--even in me when I'm being my brilliant funny self.

      AS far as that other guy to whom you refer, he is a pretender. That's why he is so frustrated by my posts. Logic, truth, and realism on my part where there is mere prattle in his rebuttals and futile attempts to be relevant in some way. I am sheer genius while that guy to whom you refer is genius in his own soppy sponge of a brain and ignored by most everyone else.

      But I wouldn't say you got anything exactly wrong either. You probably even know the meaning of xjafadisg while that other guy is scratching his beard in utter vexation trying to figure it out.

      Lee

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    4. I was wondering how you'd get out of that. Nicely done, Arlee Houdini.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      Check out my new blog @
      (Link:] Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

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  10. Interesting that, if you take xjafadisg to Google Translate, it detects Welsh (though it can't translate it)...

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    1. CW, Welsh you say? Must be some of my Welsh roots poking through the topsoil. Maybe they meant "Welch's" like the grape jelly I used for my PB&J sandwich I ate for lunch yesterday.

      Lee

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  11. Schrodinger's cat? Yes? No?

    Academy Awards? If I knew for certain that Hacksaw Ridge wins, then I would watch the 2 min. stretch. But that won't win. Too much faith.

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    1. Susan K, I had to go read about that cat which was new to me. Well, doesn't that beat all. The crazy things people come up with in the name of science or something like science.

      Can't have faith in the Academy Awards. A win for Hacksaw Ridge is probably unlikely. I'm guessing La La Land or more probably Hidden Figures to make up for the white prominence of past Oscar winners.

      Lee

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  12. Once back in the 80s my parents & I went to 5pm Mass on Christmas Eve. The church was packed...standing room only. The priest is in the middle of starting communion..."Take this all of you and drink it for it is my blood..." My mom out of nowhere bursts out laughing so loud. It was such a shock, I looked at her like, 'what the hell mom?' But she's laughing so hard, people are looking at her so she pretends that she's crying which set both my dad and I off laughing. We had to push our way out of the church. Talk about inappropriate timing. lol

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    1. JoJo, that's a funny story about inappropriate timing. But I completely understand as I've been in similar situations.

      Lee

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  13. Humor is very important, goo Sir Arlee.... in many of our darkest times it is All that we have ...
    ... Kept us going quite a few bad times...
    Hello from Marshvile and a pleasant weekend to you... (Victor Borga playing "upside-down" sheet music was a funny skit)

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    1. Through the right "perception" of things ... you can Always find a bit (or more) "Humor...

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    2. Stacy, so true. Were it not for looking at the humorous side of many things life would be terribly serious and ultimately rather depressing I'd say. Humor is all around us if we perceive in the right way.

      Lee

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  14. One must have a sense of humour to survive I believe. What I am erxperincing at present is unbeivable. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy 30+ years ago, had numerous tests and brain scans, been treated for the illness ever since, go to a new doctor last week who after seeing me for only five minutes have put on my records I DO NOT HAVE THE ILLNESS. discarded all mediacation and this past week I have felt awful. having many seizures. Yet society won't go over the docto's head and prescribe my medication. Yes Lee a sense of humour is a must though I have nothing to laugh about at the moment.
    Yvonne.

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    1. Yvonne, sorry for your complicated struggles. Navigating the healthcare system can be difficult as there are so many opinions about certain things. I wish you well with that.

      In the meantime, keep laughing since, as they say, laughter is the best medicine. Laughing may not cure everything, but it can make dealing with the hassles of life more fun.

      Lee

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  15. Perplexed, yes. But I am a'skimmin'. I've got about ten minutes to blog before cleaning the entire house for a spend-the-night bash tonight in which my house will be turned into a mess. Wait a minute. What?

    Maybe I'm funny too. But brilliant? Not feeling it. And no, I will not watch the Academy Awards. I'm going through all the seasons of House on Netflix when I get a chance to look at the TV.

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    1. Tamara, not watching the Academy Awards would be a sign of brilliance in my opinion. We are all funny and brilliant if we are willing to see those sides of us. Just let it go! And clean that house so it can get messed up again. Life's like that I guess.

      Lee

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  16. As another brilliant and funny man said, "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." Or as my favourite performer said, "Silence is of the gods; only monkeys chatter."

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    1. Roland, yeah, but those guys probably didn't write blogs and feel compelled to keep some kind of content on their sites. In real life I'm often so quiet and in the shadows that a lot of people wouldn't ever realize I was there.

      Lee

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  17. I've never been one to miss the xjafadisg. I was brought up under the tutelage of a sharp witted father who made sure we always looked for the xjafadisg in life, appreciating it to its fullest. Being as highly intelligent and funny as I am, I recognize it in others, and laugh often both with them and at them...but only in an intelligent and meaningfully kind way, of course. LOL and again I suggest everyone LOL.

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    1. Donna, you know what they say about "birds of a feather"--guess we can include Smiths too.

      Lee

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    2. Speaking of birds, I just read your reply to the chattering quote! I, too, am quiet in most environments - voted class quietest in HS! I'm more vocal now than back then. Blogging is a voice, and depending on what you have to say, I suppose it could be chattering. But even those intelligent guys quoted, said something.

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  18. Arlee, blogging is the artform of today. My quotes were old wisdom. Their contributions lay elsewhere, and before blogging became an art form. Their work is elsewhere. Did you recognise your fellow geniuses?

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    1. Roland, I looked up the quotes and yes, those were some geniuses whose work I still enjoy. What they did probably wouldn't have translated well to a blog though I have no doubt that they might have done well at blogging if it had been made available to them. Especially Groucho.

      Lee

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  19. No, I will not waste my time watching the Academy Awards. I'm reading an interesting book by Thomas Friedman called Thank You for Being Late: An Optimist's Guide to Thriving in the Age of Accelerations so I'll just focus on that. I'm learning lots of stuff about technological advances since 2007 including the usefulness of pedometers on dairy cows and smart sensors on garbage cans. Fascinating.

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    1. Patricia, sounds like a great opportunity to read. I should do the same, but, alas, I'll probably end up watching something on television. The book you're reading sounds interesting.

      Lee

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Lee