The Manhattan Project--2016 A to Z Theme

Always a work in progress--welcome to my blog...

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

What Is the Best Source of Creativity? #IWSG

       In my previous post I touched upon the topic of how loss or adverse personal circumstances influence creativity.  That post included my entries for the Lost & Found blog hop, the Question of the Month, and the Battle of the Bands.  If you haven't visited this post I hope you will now and please vote on your favorite BOTB song version while you're stopping in.  You can find the post at this link.




Join us on the first Wednesday of each month in Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Support Group--a forum of writers who gather to talk about writing and the writer's life. For a complete list of participants visit Alex's Blog






 What Is the Best Source of Creativity?        

         I don't know why--and I know I'm not the only one--that times of sadness, anguish, loneliness, dejection, and despair often results in periods of intense creativity.   That's the way it's worked for me in the past.   Not that I've scientifically measured this theory to prove its accuracy, but that's the way I remember it.

        I certainly don't want to experience any extreme negative time just to prove my supposition that it would result in greater creativity.  My theory is that when we lose someone or are waiting or anticipating some person, we have an idleness of time that leads us to write or create in some other way.  On the other hand when we're with someone we love or in a state of contentment we are too happy to do the creative things as much.  I will find myself doing more things away from home.

       Lately writing has been more of a struggle for me.   I still manage my blog posts, but many other things are neglected in exchange for spending time with my spouse, watching movies on occasion, and traveling.   Life is good and I'm trying to enjoy it to the max.

        Creativity is mostly based on power from within us that thrives on all that we experience and imagine.   Since we all are unique and have equally unique experiences, the sources of creativity vary from one of us to the next.  So what is my best source of creative inspiration and drive?  I'd hate to think it was sadness, loneliness, and depression.

        Would you be willing to sacrifice creativity in order to be happy?  Can you be artfully creative when you are angry or glum?    What are your greatest sources of creativity?



94 comments:

  1. No wonder we are so "creative"... we live in misery and (for the most part) poverty...
    ... these days we go off into the worlds of my Spore game and create new worlds and adventures... Was given this game by a good Friend... it now occupies almost All of my time awake... Basically, our "escape" from the problems of this reality...
    a great day to you and yours, good Sir Lee...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dr. Theda, you are among many I believe. Too much escapist activity is a withdrawal from living. Live needs balance.

      Lee

      Delete
    2. Sorry good Sir... but it is better that dwelling on things over which we have little or No "control"...
      we have gotten to where we just "duck" and hope that things pass by...
      Not too interested in "dealing with" the people of this area... let them spread whatever "rumors" about Stacey They even listed me as the "Greatest Villain" of this town (over murders and drug-dealers... even our Mayor is (supposedly) ex-Drug Dealer... and a very corrupt "pervert" as a "Chief of Police"...

      Delete
    3. Since I am stuck here I seldom go anywhere (other than doctor visits)...
      ... So, just sit in my corner and try not to bother anyone...

      Delete
    4. Dr. Theda, sorry about your circumstance and I can understand that desire to withdraw. If you are in your place where you feel comfortable and safe then that might be the best place for you. Hope you can break free to exploit your talents and tap into a creative community that can fully appreciate your worth. You have value and it's sad that so many around you don't recognize that.

      Lee

      Delete
  2. I really must not be cut out to be a writer. I can't write when I'm miserable. I feel like that and I just want to go stare at the television.
    Music is my greatest source of inspiration. And songs can't make me feel miserable either, or I wouldn't want to play or listen to them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alex, in times past when I've been excessively down I would have a difficult time listening to music, but I would spend a lot of time writing my own and actually going back to playing. I haven't done this in many many years though.

      Lee

      Delete
    2. Did not know that you could write Music , Good Sir... that is a talent that we have never had... was very good at "Art" (over 6 years of Art school)My Nerves do not allow me to do much Art these days...

      Delete
    3. Dr. Theda, well, actually I write the lyrics and mostly keep the music in my head unless I record something which is rarely. My musical creativity has come in brief spurts and mostly I haven't pursued it.

      Now, I'm not very talented with the visual arts and have never had much patience to work at it. Two of my daughters on the other hand are very good with arts--drawing, painting, and other mediums. One of them works as a video editor and the other is a pastry chef so they both apply their artistic eyes in their career. I'm proud of their abilities.

      I hope you can one day find the focus to pursue your art. It's a shame when good talent lies fallow.

      Lee

      Delete
  3. Much of my writing was done at times when I felt extreme emotions. Though, when I 'm happy or ecstatic about something I don't gravitate towards writing. Like you, I would rather then be doing something with those closest to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Murees, I think when we are happy we want to share our time with others in order to sustain the happy feelings. When we are down, many of us will withdraw into our own world and find some way to share our misery and that often translates into creative output. Not true for all I think, but maybe the case for many.

      Lee

      Delete
  4. Creativity ebbs and flows, not just in times of sorrow. Though, for many people, writing is a way of coping with and/or ordering the world so it makes sense you feel more creative during difficult times.

    I write during most times, being least productive when ill or in too much pain. Those things sap my passion pretty quick.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jennifer, you put this concept of the relation between emotion and creative flow well into words. As long as the focus is there, the output is there as well. When the distractions overtake us our focus becomes more directed on those things.

      Lee

      Delete
  5. I don't like misery and I can't write during it. Maybe after I can use it, but not usually. I do think creative minds walk the earth in a different state of mind than others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Teresa, creative thinking involves a lot of looking inward. I think this is especially true with the artistic thinking. People can be creative in many ways and those ways undoubtedly influence the way we walk the Earth.

      Lee

      Delete
  6. I get creatively blocked when I'm in a high state of anxiety and panic, and I am the most prolific when all is well in my world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JoJo, I do think a certain state of calmness, passivity, or reflection is essential for rationally creative output. Anything that distracts our ability to think fluidly, but with direction is probably a detriment to creative thinking for most or maybe all of us.

      Lee

      Delete
  7. Everything about my life influences my writing, sometimes to my detriment, sometimes to my great joy. If you are what you eat - I am what I write. A muddle of reality, fiction, sorrow, joy and downright insanity! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yolanda, I think your point is important. A good writer should be like a sponge and have the ability to interpret the world in such a way to present it in a unique way to their audience. The good writer is a translator of life.

      Lee

      Delete
  8. Hi, Lee!

    Thank you for addressing this question regarding creativity. Along the way I was trained to believe that happiness is irrelevant and that maintaining a state of aliveness is the thing. When I awaken from a depressed state, come alive, summon my muse and begin the creative process, I automatically feel happier.

    Thanks, Lee!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shady, it is a complex process that requires balance in thinking and living. The successful writer should probably be a master of self-discipline though I think this have often not been the case. There can be an intellectual and social insanity in the world of great minds.

      Lee

      Delete
  9. Very thoughtful post, Lee. Perhaps our creativity is more abundant during hard times because our emotions are more abundant and accessible as well. Just a thought...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Karen, your comment expresses a good viable thought. Channeling our expressiveness into words, brushstrokes, or however we choose to create should have direction and focus in order to be better productive. As long we don't allow our emotions to suck the life out of us then we are usually okay.

      Lee

      Delete
  10. It does seem that angst drives a lot of writers. Maybe we just draw upon the pain? I can write both happy and sad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. L.Diane, ideally the writer should be able to hunker down through good as well as adverse times in order to do their job of writing. However I think it stands to reason that our emotional state effects whatever we do.

      Lee

      Delete
  11. We are all but products of the lives we lead. For some, creative expression is a form of preservation, of sharing the journey. Others savor precious moments in perpetuity through memory. Writing is my passion, living is the inspiration – and I don’t trust my memory;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Diedre, good point. The reason for writing depends on the person doing it. Memory can be a trickster and relying on others to help you remember is often an unreliable resource.

      Lee

      Delete
  12. Hi,
    I know I am not willing to sacrifice by creativity to be happy; that's like death to me. When I am angry or feeling glum, I run to my iPad or my computer and I start writing. It is something about writing, whether it is in my journal, or writing an article, or writing down plans for a new book that pulls me upward out of the darkness that tries to overcome me.
    Shalom,
    Patricia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pat, I think writing helps sort out our thinking and interpret what's going on inside us. When there comes a clarity that allows others to relate then I think we become closer to being successful as writers. AS your comment indicates, writing is a very therapeutic activity.

      Lee

      Delete
  13. I don't believe there's one source of creativity or a best one. I've written some pretty awesome action and fight/battle scenes while mad. It's very therapeutic. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chrys, writing action scenes while angry sounds cathartic. Creativity is all around us and comes in many ways.

      Lee

      Delete
  14. your post captured me in a nutshell right now. I enjoy my blog, and I am having fun working up my A to Z posts, but other writing has been on the back burner. I hang with husband, friends, and feel lost if I don't have time to read, watch Netflix, etc. I'm content and don't really feel all that bad about it. Creativity can't be forced, and I'm okay with where I am. Glad you are too

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joanne, I'd like to do better creativity-wise, but being happy ain't all that bad.

      Lee

      Delete
  15. I have absolutely no creativity when I'm angry or depressed or really worried about something. I write best when I'm content and happy which fortunately is most of the time lately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan GK, over time I think a good many of us accept where we are in life and feel pretty good about it. I feel badly for those who remain discontent and bitter about their lives and don't try to make their lives any better.

      Lee

      Delete
  16. Wow! All great questions. I'm always happy and especially when little nuggets of creativity pop into my head. I used to be a copywriter for radio/TV and video. No matter what mood I was in, I had to produce for clients so I learned that my inner world was stable and my solace and that's where I could always go to bypass emotions and moods that otherwise would make me non-creative or productive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EM, like an actor or entertainer, when we are "forced" into creativity despite whatever it is we are actually experiencing in life can be very healthy and productive. Some people will call this phony, but I'd call it professional.

      Lee

      Delete
  17. Creativity comes from doing the work.
    According to science.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Andrew, I wouldn't say that all work results in output that is necessarily creative unless we apply our emotions, knowledge, and wisdom to make it so. But essentially I would agree with what you've said. If we don't do the required work, we create nothing. Sometimes finding the inspiration to do the work is what holds some people back. I'm not sure that this is measurable or explained by "science", but I think it can be sensed by personal observations and the lasting quality of the end product of the work.

      Lee

      Delete
  18. Late January reading a lovely book and reviewing inspired me to start a novel idea I had in me for years. I was just so happy and screaming with creativity after reading. So various emotions and experiences do inspire us whether from our happy place or sad villa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sheena-kay, it's so great when we get a charge of inspiration that sets off a creative fire.

      Lee

      Delete
  19. When I'm sad or down, it's hard to write. My creativity tends to take a backseat while I work on getting back to a happier place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Patricia, I think there are different kinds of sadness that affect us in different ways. If I'm depressed sad about something where I'm not thinking in terms of reaching out to someone else then writing is not part of my agenda. In those cases I just want to sleep or find some kind of mindless escape.

      Lee

      Delete
  20. For me, creativity never disappears. It transforms. I might not be able to write, but I'm usually creating something. I haven't noticed sadness affecting it much. Then again, I am rarely sad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Loni, I think that's similar for me. I'm not often sad either, but there have been those times and I'd rather not have those times.

      Lee

      Delete
  21. I learned very early that writing is the best way to relieve angst- and I have about 40 notebooks of teenage poetry to prove it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CW, you amassed quite a body of work. I wrote a lot as a teenager and during my college years. I was always in a state of angst and longing for love.

      Lee

      Delete
  22. I don't really associate being creative with being unhappy, although I work better without an audience. I get the most done when we're out for coffee and it's just me and the laptop. I find it easier to be with Mary and away from the keyboard if I've had uninterrupted time to write.

    If anything, being unhappy interferes with my creative processes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. John, solitude helps most artistic creativity I would agree. I think it might be a matter of why one is unhappy and what they are looking for in order to regain happiness. Not all happiness is introspective to the point where creativity ensues. I've known some people who seem eternally unhappy and never get much of anything done except bitch about how down they are and how much they've been wronged.

      Lee

      Delete
  23. I love the work 'glum'! I cannot write when I'm distressed, but I can paint.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HR, I was kind of thinking the same thing about the word "glum"--it sounds like what it expresses.

      lee

      Delete
  24. Arlee, I DID IT!! I'm actually going to be able to respond to your post.

    I find your post interesting as it is nearly the opposite for me. When I'm happy, I can find creative things to write about. When I'm sad or angry, I feel like someone dumped me in a grave and I can't see a way out.

    Of course I predominantly write short stories, and I look for the fun or craziness in life. I don't want to post something that generally will depress people. I wish you luck in finding the light and joy to write about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gwynn, I knew you could do this. Good for you! When I'm in a properly disciplined state of mind the writing can flow now matter what my mental state is. If I'm angry I find it very difficult to do anything other than be angry.

      Lee

      Delete
  25. There was a time when I was more of a dreamer and it would make me more creativity, but not so much as I get older--I struggle in the opposite direction now at those time. Sometimes in deep anguish I can find a creative spark to write poetry, but its reflects the pain. Interesting how it can affect different people.
    Juneta Writer's Gambit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Juneta, I think you and I might be on a similar wavelength right now. But I still dream a lot, but just don't do as much or as quickly.

      Lee

      Delete
  26. I can't read when I'm depressed. For me the biggest source of my creativity is an insatiable curiosity. What if? What's their story? How can this be done differently ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damyanti, I love curiosity and enjoy pursuing mine. When I'm feeling down I often can't read, but it depends on my reading material too. If it's the right thing to read, it can lift me up and bring me back to life.

      Lee

      Delete
  27. Creativity is random for me. My journal is the only way I can catch my ideas with just a few words, and take them from there. Happy or Angry--doesn't matter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Susan, I should maybe resort to journaling more. It's something I've never been too successful in sustaining.

      Lee

      Delete
  28. Yes, I would be willing to sacrifice creativity for happiness. But I don't think I'm very creative when I'm angry or glum. If I'm angry, I have a hard time focusing on creative endeavors. And when I'm sad I may find creativity, but that's what usually pulls me out of the down mood.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Liz, I think it's best if we can be both creative and happy and stay that way. Staying on fire for something is a good thing.

      Lee

      Delete
  29. I think when we're in the depths of despair, we are reaching way deep into our soul for answers and the creativity just pours out, like a tap has been turned on. It's when we are at our most raw that we tap into that deep well. When things are going good, we're usually busy and doing life. But when that sadness hits, life comes to halt and we're left to sort through all those feelings. Our head swims in that vast ocean of raw emotion and triggers that creative center of our mind. That's my take on it anyway...

    I also find that another good source of creativity is some decent weed... :)

    Michele at Angels Bark

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Michele, yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.

      Lee

      Delete
    2. Oh, and missed that final thought when I read this last night. Yeah, I can agree with that thought as well.

      Lee

      Delete
  30. As I commented yesterday, sadness has inspired some writing, but I have also been inspired by new experiences or just doing something out of the ordinary. The problem, like you said, is that I get caught up in the moment and don't take the time to record my thoughts and inspirations in writing. There have been a couple inspiring vacations where I managed to set some time aside at the end of the day to write out my thoughts and I am surprised at my difference of tone when I reread those journal entries. I think it is helpful to pause in the midst of good times to really reflect on and record the moment and thank God for the good day He has given :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Elizabeth, something that always disappoints me is that I get so caught up in moments that I forget to take pictures. If someone else is there doing it and I'm able to get copies then it's okay. It's nice to have the photos to remember special moments, but you have to remember to do it.

      I do think it's good to write down the good things as one would with a journal entry. I reflect in my mind, but it's nice to have a written record for history sake.

      Lee

      Delete
  31. I seem to get more writing done when I'm feeling down also. I usually write something dark, then end up with some amount of positivity. I guess I just have to work myself into happiness (or satisfaction at least) through the writing. Perhaps you are the same way.

    Some days, I'd truly rather be happy than writing, lol. But then, writing does make me happy, so its a conundrum.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dolorah, writing is like an escape from the darkness even though the writing itself may be dealing with dark topics. Writing can be like self-analysis that results in an output of sharing some part of ourselves with others. Working oneself into happiness or satisfaction is definitely not a bad thing and far better than just moping by oneself or staring at the TV feeling bitter.

      There is a conundrum, but in the end it's not too difficult to understand.

      Lee

      Delete
  32. I definitely write more (and I think better) when I am suffering in some way or another. These days though I am doing so much freelance writing I have to write when I have to write. If I get really stuck I've resorted to watching a sad movie, a horror film or some other emotion inducing tv show or movie. It works.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doreen, effectively writing because you have to is the most professional method I think, but I can understand your sources for inspiration.

      Lee

      Delete
  33. Yes, I would sacrifice creativity for happiness if I needed to, but my creativity just seems to pop up whenever I choose to focus instead of procrastinating.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Patricia, I doubt whether any of us would actually confront the choice of happiness vs creativity. Procrastination is our worst enemy I think.

      Lee

      Delete
  34. I'd like to think I can have both! I don't want to be a Hemingway, thought I wouldn't mind being remembered as long as he will be! Music is a great creative tool for me. I listen and I see scenes... Thanks for dropping by my blog...in December! I'm sooo sorry it took so long to visit yours, but at least I'm better late than never!! Hope you had wonderful holidays and Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lisa, I totally understand the time lags. I'm guilty of the same much of the time. Life gets busy and often blogging is not the priority, nor should it be unless it's our income or something like that.

      Lee

      Delete
  35. I know what you're saying. I tend to get more creative when I'm in an emotional slump, though that's also when I have the hardest time writing. I'm sure it's different for other people.
    I'm not sure I'd sacrifice it for happiness, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Madilyn, happiness is so important for quality of life. Personally I tend to feel happier when I'm creative so I think we can have both.

      Lee

      Delete
  36. Wonderful post, Arlee and I have to agree to a point, I tend to write better poetry when my mood is glum, but I write better fiction when I am happy. Kind of a double-edged sword when I try to do both. I don't think I would give up my mood swings for happiness if it meant I would never write again though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ravyne, poetry requires more introspection I think and that's often where glumness leads us. If I couldn't write again I'd probably be less happy so I don't think I have that choice.

      Lee

      Delete
  37. Lee, great topic!

    Creatively, I find myself experiencing something new.

    Last Spring I was involved in the A-Z challenge, which I loved. It gave me opportunity to share the many tasks I was attempting, while re-doing much of my 'new', inherited home. Somewhere along the way, I suffered sheer exhaustion. I've been through this before but not in this magnitude and thus it became depressive. Too many strikes and I felt I was going out.

    I reached out in prayer to find new/ more meaning to what it was/is that I want for my life. I don't seem to have all the answers, but I did receive a renewed interest in communicating with others. As I think, therefore I am... (my twist).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dixie, the joy of the Lord is our strength so you were right to resort to prayer in my opinion. Oftentimes people get so wrapped up in themselves and their woes that we forget to rejoice and let our creative flow emerge from within. I don't know anyone who doesn't get depressed sometimes, but I do know some people who always seem to be depressed and they never move forward in their own lives and they can be a real burden to be around. I hope I'm never like that.

      Lee

      Delete
  38. Interesting theory, Lee... I've always felt creativity stems from character; it's something we're born with, us humans—this desire to create. And it can be encouraged, or stultified. So, to me, it sounds like what you're talking about here is inspiration—which, indeed, waxes and wanes throughout our lives—and also, perhaps, drive. I agree, though... Our most profound inspiration and drive to create comes from intense feelings—and, as far as intensity goes, nothing compares to loss. Or to that first euphoria of finding love. Contentment, as you say, is hardly enticing... Tolstoy famously established that it's suffering what sets us apart, makes us unique, but I'd propose that it's not only suffering but any intense feeling. And yet, for many writers, it's in retirement and the "winding down" of life that creative drive is most intense. I think this is because, in order to create, we must first live.

    I have rambled on long enough :) Great post, Lee!
    Guilie @ Quiet Laughter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Guilie, I believe that all of the elements you've named are intertwined and related. Maybe you've actually hit upon the most important factor of all--time. As I was indicating, periods of depression can lead us to a self-absorption that opens up more "creative" time to us. However the person who makes the effort can budget time and essentially control creativity--maybe not qualitatively, but quantitatively.

      Lee

      Delete
  39. A very good question and quite difficult to answer. I had to think about this but I feel I am most creative when I am happy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Suzy, that's a good time to be creative. I'd rather be happy than sad.

      Lee

      Delete
  40. Not that I want negativity in my life to enhance my creativity, I think you are right. When we are sad, depressed or lonely, we often find nothing is as enjoyable. We tend to isolate ourselves more, this leads to periods of idleness. Idleness is the peak time for our brain to do a lot of thinking. Which is why we tned to be more creative in these periods. We start to utilize the portion of the brain geared towards problem solving. This naturally flows into our writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jeffrey, exactly. You said it well.

      Lee

      Delete
  41. The best writers and artists find creative possibilities in all things, even things that might seem silly and insignificant, like the way the sunlight falls across a blade of grass. When we derive creative inspiration from other sources, though, it's important to make sure we make it our own. It's facepalm-worthy to look back over some of my older drafts and see almost word-for-word, quasi-plagiarism of the passages I'd been so moved by.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carrie-Anne, I would agree with that assessment that the most creative types can find the creative possibilities all around them, but my question in the end asks if the time is there. We can be amazed, inspired, and filled with the sense of creativity in what we are experiencing, but all this doesn't mean anything from the standpoint of creating until we take the time and make the effort to channel our experiences into our creative product.

      Lee

      Delete
  42. Creativity makes me happy, so that's a hard question to answer. Random little things inspire me, like a quote or a picture. Great post and excellent question.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jamie, when I create out of depression, the act and outcome will usually lift me up further out of that depression. Inspiration is everywhere if we are open to it.

      Lee

      Delete
  43. Being able to do something creative is always something that cheers me up. But my creativity usually derives from strong emotions - it's easier to create when I'm really sad or angry or happy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thais, emotion is the energy that drives us.

      Lee

      Delete
  44. My creativity comes from the sad times I've had in my past, and there were plenty. Those events have pushed me to write with more depth and character development. I am no longer than young girl from long ago...okay, I'm an older version, but I'm in a much happier place. I pull from what I know which involved a lot of out of control clinical depression. I used to see myself floundering, waiting to touch the bottom of the "pool" so I could push up to the surface. That's how I knew there was an end to my "episode." Now I write because I have stories to tell. I love writing with emotions and also humor...often the elixir of life. Thanks for the post, I really enjoyed it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Terry, beautifully expressed and I understand what you are saying here.

      Lee

      Delete

Go ahead and say something. Don't be afraid to speak your mind.
I normally try to respond to all comments in the comment section so please remember to check the "Email follow-up comments" box if you want to participate in the comment conversation.

For Battle of the Bands voting the "Anonymous" commenting option has been made available though this version is the least preferred. If voting using "anonymous" please include in your comment your name (first only is okay) and city you are voting from and the reason you chose the artist you did.

If you know me and want to comment but don't want to do it here, then you can send me an email @ jacksonlee51 at aol dot com.

Lee