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| Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. (Photo credit: symphony of love) |
When it comes to self-promoting, many of you start experiencing ego deflation. A lack of self confidence and fear that you are not good enough can hamper your ability to sell yourself to others. Maybe it's time for a self-evaluation. Take inventory of what it is that you are offering others and then look deeper to see what else you might be missing.
You have talents. You have something to give others. You are valuable in your uniqueness. And now you have to convince yourself. It's time to educate your ego.
The concept of ego often is put in a bad light and for good reason. An egocentric person can come across as very unlikeable and annoying. You don't want to be that person. You are important, but you also need to keep others in mind.
Teach yourself to carry yourself with a air of confidence but not arrogance. Paying attention to your appearance, mannerisms, and speech will make that good initial impression on others. The way you behave and treat others after the first encounter will carry the relationship forward in a positive manner.
Don't hide behind a mask of fakery, but be personable and approachable. You may know more than others regarding your field of expertise, but that doesn't make you better than your market audience. Maybe you are smarter than others--perhaps brilliant--but condescension doesn't make you attractive to those whom you are addressing. If you want to win others over to your side it's helpful to be at least somewhat nice.
Learn by doing. In your encounters with others gage reactions carefully to learn what gets a point across well and what doesn't. Get feedback from others. Ask those you trust how they think you've done in your communication efforts.
Most of all, look at the end results of what you are doing. Did you get the results you were hoping for? If not why? Be honest with your self-assessments. Don't let yourself get in the way of what you are trying to do.
Do you think you might have an inflated ego? What draws you to another person? Are there any particular sales techniques that you think are particularly effective?
Great post as always. Completely agree with your notion to carry an air of confidence not arrogance, as arrogance really puts me off people. I think my ego may have been a bit large when I was much younger, aren't most peoples, but if anything now I'm trying to find some of it again..
ReplyDeleteVery true.
ReplyDeleteOften where I work its the people with the 'cheek' that get on rather than the people who do work hard. It's all about confidence and selling yourself.
Its so easy to put yourself down and belittle what you achieve regularly, and if you devalue yourself others are generally quick to oblige :/
Hi Lee, I'm back to your blog again because I liked it and also because I wanted to let you know I took your advice about the comments section on my blog being hard to find and guess what? My comments have tripled! Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteVery wise and insightful advice as always, Lee.
ReplyDeleteThis is great advice, Lee.
ReplyDeleteI could teach myself to appear confident, no problem, but it's the communication that lets me down. I feel as if I come over as having had a lobotomy!
I'm beginning to think I'd rather have an inflated ego than none at all.
I rather like the anti-hero approach to self promotion. And it has worked well over the years . . . . yes folk avoid me now and scurry off pretending they have not seen me. . . . . . .
ReplyDeleteI may have got this slightly wrong . . . . . .DAMN
The person who thinks he knows everything and is the best is fooling only himself.
ReplyDeleteI still don't have a clue what I'm doing. I'm proud of my achievements, but I know many of them came through the assistance of others. (Especially God.) I know it's not just me, so I try to keep it humble.
This sounds easy, but is very hard. I think most of the population suffers from esteem issues. Some people think too highly of themselves, but most not enough. In this age where we are constantly comparing ourselves to photoshopped versions of celebrity, it is easy to allow that little voice to take over and convince us we are lacking.
ReplyDeleteFolks who try to market their work... they need to put on a thick skin before they jump into those waters. Lots of sharks just looking for a tasty bite.
Well I have no self esteem because any time I would try to be confident or proud of some achievement, my mother would knock me down a peg or two by saying, 'oh well mother mother mother pin a rose on me' or some such cut down.
ReplyDeleteHi, Arlee,
ReplyDeleteThought-provoking post which is also helpful. Like the quote used in the image. I'm drawn to people who are friendly and open. As I get older, I'm learning to be more approachable.
>>... Don't hide behind a mask of fakery, but be personable and approachable.
ReplyDeleteWait a second! If I come across as personable and approachable, then I WILL be hiding behind a mask of fakery.
So, which is it, Lee? Fakery WITH personableness and approachability or authenticity? I can't have my cake and fake it too, can I?
>>... What draws you to another person?
In a man, a willingness to buy the next round. In a woman, a round she's willing to sell.
Well, you axed.
~ D-FensDogg
'Loyal American Underground'
Great post. Learn by doing is great advice. Look forward to your next posts....oh and Hi and Bonjour from us over in France :-) http://detoutcoeurlimousin.blogspot.fr/2014/04/everyone-should-make-mistakes.html
ReplyDeleteI think my ego is where it needs to be but I have interacted with authors who could use some deflation.
ReplyDeleteI am a technocretin. I found it difficult to find the place to leave a comment and it won't let you follow you using my real name so I am following you using an old Google account (Queen Jezebel). Now I know why up until now I have ONLY read blogs on Wordpress. http://artscomments.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/e-is-for-evil-prime-evil-a-z-challenge-april-2014/ Artscomments. My real name is Moira. :)
ReplyDeleteRobin is right: most have a hard time with insecurity in some form or fashion. But it is a rule of human nature that most people will take you at the value in which you present yourself. If you are halting in speech and unsure of yourself, they will take you on face value. Assured, confident people are assumed to be competent and dependable.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Arlee.
A senior gave me a valuable piece of advice in very simple words: "Believe that you are smart. Assume that the person you are speaking with is as smart as you are, if not smarter." A healthy mixture of confidence and humility!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I feel I have an inflated ego, sometimes no. Love the humility quote.
ReplyDeleteGreat "E" post Lee, I did start late but the gremlins been at it again with my blog. Oh I know who it is, so have re-started another.
ReplyDeleteHave a rest tomorrow and enjoy yourself.
Lynne -- Sometimes life wearies our ego.
ReplyDeleteMeepy- It's good to work hard, but you don't always get noticed for it.
Pinky -- Terrific news! Glad I could help.
Karen -- Thanks
Fanny - To have no semblance of ego is to appear as nothing.
Rob -- Did you say something? Sorry I didn't notice.
Alex -- None of us succeeds on our own.
Robin -- I understand what you're saying. A lot of esteem is built through experience.
JoJo-- Time to educate your ego! You have a lot to pat yourself on the back about.
Lee
JL -- I think as we get older we don't worry as much about people accepting us or not, especially if we've learned to accept ourselves.
ReplyDeleteStMc -- From the Bird to the Dog, anyone who hides behind a name is a bit of a phony. These days when somebody calls me by my name they're calling me on the phone. You can call me whatever you want, but just don't call me a homophone. None of this makes any sense but it's as much money as I've got on me right now.
DLim-- "La plume de ma tante es en la table."
Susan GK -- Too big of an ego is a real put off.
Moira -- Thanks for the effort. WP people rarely comment here.
Roland -- Most of the time we're afraid of imagined scenarios.
Proactive -- That's good advice that I try to follow most of the time.
Rachna -- If you can't get your head through the door then your ego might be inflated.
Yvonne -- I tried to leave a comment at your blog but got a message that said that commenting was open to members only. You need to change a commenting setting I guess.
Lee
The only thing that's inflated about me is my ass. Seriously. My ego could definitely use some inflation, however.
ReplyDeleteLoved this really useful. Thank you xx
ReplyDeleteI love that C.S. Lewis quote. I think I will save it.
ReplyDeleteNothing worse than condescension and superiority.
Self-centeredness doesn't require a big ego, and you can be confident in your abilities without being self-centered.
ReplyDeleteYour advise is great for a lot of young people today. I hope that there are young people among your followers and I am hoping that grandparents and parents who follow you read your post out loud to them today.
ReplyDeleteFeedback from a trusted source is so important! Others can often pinpoint problems in your communication style, interaction with others - or a really bad outfit. :-)
ReplyDeleteConfidence is so important, because without it people often shrink from who they really are and who they could become. I've run into a few ego-maniacs in my time - bosses like that are the worst! Especially short ones with Napoleon complexes. The voice of experience speaks...
ReplyDeleteMJ, A to Z Challenge Co-Host
Writing Tips
Effectively Human
Lots of Crochet Stitches
I really appreciate this post because I often feel that it takes a large ego in order to promote one's work, which I don't think I have!
ReplyDeleteThe best way I've learned to draw people to me is to listen to them. Not only do I learn new things that way, but people love to share their stories with someone who listens.
I'm just not sure how that will help me promote my work though. ;)
I think my ego could use a little inflation actually. I'm too quick to knock the poor thing down.
ReplyDelete~Patricia Lynne~
Story Dam
Patricia Lynne, YA Author
Quite insightful Arlee. Egos can be boosted and having confidence in yourself and abilities is a good thing.
ReplyDeleteGreetings human, Lee,
ReplyDeleteNeither my human nor I have an inflated ego. We don't need to self-pawmote. Our egos are what we consider a healthy balance.
We just stay discreetly in the background, with little fanfare and support others.
Sincerity without being self-centred, draws me to other humans.
All the beast, um all the best, my human friend.
Penny, the pawsitive host of the Alphabark Challenge, 2014!
Cathy -- A good sense of humor is important and I think you have that.
ReplyDeleteLulu - Thanks
Jo -- I'm very put off by people who treat me like I'm lower than them.
Andrew --- Agreed on both points. In fact I think some of the most self-centered people have very small egos and are always feeling sorry for themselves. Big negative egos in a manner of speaking.
Munir - That would be nice.
Li -- Others see us better than we see ourselves.
MJ -- I've known a few of those myself.
Kirsten -- Actually I don't think it takes so much a large ego as it does a sincere and dedicated ego. Listening to others is the best way to bond.
Patricia --I think a lot of us beat ourselves up more than necessary.
Sheena-Kay -- Yep!
Penny/Gary -- Balance is essential to healthy life and relationships. It's good to stay pawsitive.
Lee
I like the way you said that: Big negative egos. I'm going to have to remember that.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. What you say makes sense and offers courage to those who may be afraid to put themselves out there.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. What you say makes sense and offers encouragement to those who may be afraid to put themselves out there.
ReplyDeletegreat post! there far too many egos out there that really need to practice humility! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYou're a one Mr B . . . . . . . . . .But I like you.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this post, Lee. I'm going to have to make the time to look at some of your back posts on the A-Z, worth the while.
ReplyDeleteThere's such a fine line between posture and posturing isn't there?
ReplyDeleteFor me, promoting myself is quite difficult. Just putting my work 'out there' is tough but I've been blessed by people liking what I write so that gives me the posture I need to keep doing it.
Thanks so much for making me think...
I needed to hear this. Marketing is the place all my insecurities come to light, which is why I find it so difficult. I can sell something else easily, but not myself, not my novels. I will move forward now and try to utilize your advise. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Arlee - you put that so well that we have something to offer so put it out there - and you say more besides. A little humility goes a long way.
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed all the comments - always a learning exercise as well!
Garden of Eden Blog
What a great thought provoking post! I am such an introvert and while I am not sure how that relates to ego, I certainly lasck confidence in new and unknown situations! Perhaps I need to learn to Educate my Ego and even inflate it just a little bit!
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I agree that it is one thing to be sure of yourself and quite another to be arrogant. Confidence with a good dose of humility is a good thing! :)
ReplyDelete